My 9-year-old son has always been a firework, from the very second of his surprise existence. If my pregnancy test could have displayed two zigzags instead of straight lines, it would have.

He has never followed the path well-trodden. Instead, he has swung from the trees shadowing its path, spinning and tumbling over it like a Ferris wheel free from its hinges. His brain is always busy. It darts and daydreams and never tells him to sit, breathe, and just be.

“I was the same as him when I was a kid,” my husband would say. “He’s just a little boy.”

He often spoke of marked similarities between them, and we thought our son had simply inherited a huge slice of his father’s personality. That this was just “them.” So we attributed his behaviors to that – a child who was beautifully energetic. If he wasn’t spinning or cartwheeling, he was singing or asking questions or making funny little noises. The only time he really rested was when he slept, when dreams took over and his compulsion to “fizz,” as he calls it, quelled.

Father and Son: Drawing ADHD Parallels

Analyzing my child’s behavior, helicoptering his nuances and traits, and researching “ADHD in children” until there was nothing left to Google came easy. Turning the lens to my husband, on the other hand, was trickier.

My husband flitted from job to job, struggled to prioritize, became easily frustrated with any task, and was unfocused. But we had gone through a fair chunk of sadness in the last few years — the death of one of our other sons, the loss of parents, our 9-year-old’s meningitis battle when he was a baby. I put my husband’s erratic nature down to stress and trauma.

[Read: “Let Me Tell You How ADHD Runs in My Family”]

All the while, the phone calls from my son’s exasperated teacher mounted, as did the sense that my son’s behaviors in school and at home were indicative of something bigger.

My mother-in-law was a special education teacher for many years. The more I called her to analyze my little boy’s behavior, the more parallels she’d draw between him and my husband. Eventually, the constant joke that they were two peas in a pod became a lightbulb moment for me. I made an appointment with an ADHD specialist – for my son and husband. Sure enough, after a careful evaluation, the specialist diagnosed both of them with ADHD in the same appointment. Their test scores were practically identical, she noted.

Like Father, Like Son

“How do you feel?” the specialist asked my son. She sat next to him on the floor as he clicked LEGOs together and bounced on his knees.

“Exhausted” he said. And my heart sank. Exhausted by trying to concentrate in school and being told off constantly, exhausted by coming home to homework cajoling, exhausted for being reprimanded for his impatience and other behaviors at the outskirts of his control.

[Read: “My ADHD Family Tree — Three Generations of Neurodivergence Revealed”]

I saw my husband’s face crumble a little as he knew that feeling all too well. And I realized that, as a wife and mother, I had failed them. To me, their behaviors were annoying, frustrating, and sometimes inexplicable. I had often said to my son, “Why is it always you? Why are you the one who always gets into trouble?” I sometimes dreamed of an easier marriage to a man who would stick at a job or for a man who would actually listen to me. I had no idea what either of them were going through. It was an incredibly emotional day for everyone.

We walked out of the specialist’s room with a deeper understanding of each other and a feeling that we can all start to be our truer selves.

Our ADHD Family

We’ve only recently entered the neurodivergent universe. We’re perched on a circling satellite looking into a place where words like “disorder,” “impulsivity,” and “disorganization” zoom by. But it’s other zooming words that captivate us — “spontaneity,” “creativity,” “courage.” We are going to run with these as fast as we can.

We’re not alone in entering this universe. We see many other families embarking on this journey, too. Some days we think we have a firm grasp on ADHD – and some days we don’t. And that’s OK, because all we can do is buckle up so the twists and turns don’t jolt the ones we love quite so much.

I would not change my son or husband for anything. We’ll bundle up all of the positives and challenges, stick them into our family jetpack, and navigate the steps, bounces, stumbles, and freefalls of this shared diagnosis together.

ADHD Family Ties: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: ADHD Empowerment Month Calendar
• Read: 5 Ways to Build Bonds – A Guide for ADHD Dads
• Read: Helping Your Kids Find the “Awesome” in ADHD

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ADHD is not a coincidence among our greatest creative and artistic minds. From best-selling author Dav Pilkey and Grammy-Award winner SZA to Hollywood mastermind Greta Gerwig and YouTube gamer and animator Markiplier, the evidence of ADHD creativity dominates popular culture.

“ADHD creativity is natural in a brain that works uniquely,” says Kathleen, an ADDitude reader from Arizona who has had a prolific career creating model horses produced in resin for companies such as Breyer/Reeves International, Hartland Collectables, and Safari.

Michelle, an ADDitude reader from Mississippi, uses creative thinking daily as a professional writer, photographer, and graphic designer. “ADHD allows me to see the world differently, offer a fresh perspective, and connect ideas others miss,” she says.

“We light up the room with our sparkles,” says Sam, an ADDitude reader from the U.K. “I believe my ADHD helps me see the world in a kaleidoscope of color. I have a vivid imagination, which enables me to be creative. I can give the most amazing descriptions of things so other people can almost see, touch, and taste them. I love writing, drawing, creating music, dancing, and singing.”

[Download: Need Help Finding Your Passion? Use This ADHD “Brain Blueprint”

ADHD Traits That Foster Creativity

Some ADDitude readers credit the ADHD trait of hyperfocus with nurturing their creativity professionally and personally.

“Developing the skill of hyper-concentration makes it so I can practice and then play the piano longer and better,” says Anastasia from Nevada.

Hyperfocus enabled Mia, from New York, to excel as a student journalist “despite the strange and long hours required.”

Others say their creativity stems from insatiable curiosity, distinct viewpoints, and the ability to see obscure connections and solutions.

“ADHD has been a driving force behind my creating unique, fun, and inspiring wellness events,” says Jo from Australia. “I attribute much of the success of these retreats to the creative energy and problem-solving abilities that come with ADHD. It’s not just about being different; it’s about harnessing that difference to make something truly special. ADHD helps me see opportunities where others might see obstacles and turn them into unique and transformative experiences.”

Read on to learn about the creative successes that ADDitude readers ascribe to their (or their child’s) ADHD brain, and how they encourage their creative thinking to blossom.

[Self-Test: ADHD Test for Adults]

ADHD Creativity Is… Expressive

“I attribute my son’s writing ability and creativity to ADHD. He was able to complete two books and have them published by age 12!” — Carin, Ohio

“I wrote a newspaper column for 15 years about different aspects of my life that I thought were interesting or funny.” — Jen, Canada

“In the middle of COVID, I switched careers to become a writer. My ADHD gave me the creativity, the courage, and the tools to do it. Since then, I’ve published two children’s chapter books, which are loosely based on my life from childhood growing up with undiagnosed ADHD.” — Heidi, Washington

“I’ve written books, flash fiction, and poetry. I definitely attribute my ability to easily come up with imaginary stories or find new ways to describe things to my ADHD.” — Felicia

“When my daughter was in kindergarten, her teacher explained that it was hard for her to focus on her work because she was always paying attention to what the other kids were doing. Years later, she became an amazing writer. One of the things that makes her writing so compelling is her ability to describe characters and stories in detail. I think this ability comes from a lifetime of constantly observing people and details around her.” — Katie, Maryland

ADHD Creativity Is… Making Unexpected Connections

“At age 12, I learned how to play chess. When I was 14, I won my first of several tournaments. I didn’t understand why I saw upcoming sequences that others could not — I assumed they weren’t trying. It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that a college president explained there was something about me that allowed me to see things others didn’t.” — John, Illinois

“In the engineering world, I can find creative solutions quickly by making uncommon connections in my head and working them out on the whiteboard with my employees.” — Celtic, Florida

“I am an engineer with ADHD, and I have invented several novel environmental technologies and have the patents to show for it.” — Victor, Mississippi

“As a psychotherapist, I see connections between things in my patients’ lives and internal narratives. I can articulate these insights, often in visual metaphors, in ways that immediately put my patients at ease. I credit my ADHD with giving me this expansive access to my mind and heart and the ability to connect powerfully with my patients in ways that help them let go of their suffering.” — Jennifer, Massachusetts

ADHD Creativity Is… Clarifying

“My son has a unique eye for street life. His ADHD has enabled him to capture people uniquely through his photography.” — Sara, New Hampshire

“When I take photos, I can see the picture in my mind. I often take close-up shots of nature with people saying, ‘What is that? It’s really beautiful or interesting, but I can’t tell what it is.’ Then, they are amazed to discover it’s just water photographed differently.” — Gina, Kentucky 

“My son takes the most amazing photographs. We can be looking at the same things, but he sees it in a different light and can capture that moment on film.” — Robin, Colorado

ADHD Creativity Is… Melodic

“My daughter always tapped and jiggled her legs and had to move all the time. I had her bang on pan lids and wooden spoons as a toddler. This evolved into her becoming a drummer. People with ADHD can make awesome drummers. The rhythm soothes mental restlessness, and the physical energy needed to play calms hyperactivity.” — Andrea, U.K.

“I could never read music because of my dyslexia, but I discovered I have an ear for it. My ADHD gave me the hyperfocus to teach myself how to play piano, drums, and guitar when music lessons failed me.” — Kerry, New Jersey

“I was a professional musician for 23 years and produced and released a CD/album of original music.” — Julia, Oregon

“My ADHD allows me to write and create music that emotionally resonates with others. I would not be as good a musician without it.” — Emma, Scotland

“I arrange and write music, and I intrinsically understand the mathematical aspects of it but could never explain it.” — Jennifer, Utah

“I’m currently finishing my 6th album, ‘Neurodivergent.’ Not only did I explore new musical territories, but I experimented with A.I. videos to build narratives around the songs. This track is very ADHD to me.” — Jon, Surrey, U.K.

ADHD Creativity Is… Well Designed

“I taught myself how to use multiple graphic design programs because I was determined to fix tiny photo errors, make my blog perfect, and have the best syllabus for a class I was teaching.” — Ted, California

“I make handmade birthday cards. It’s a great creative outlet, and I actually use the craft supplies I’ve hoarded over many years.” — Yvette, Canada

“I love design — making flyers with digital art or rearranging my living room 1,000 times to find the perfect Feng shui. I believe  my ability to hyperfocus makes me love those tasks.” — Oceann, Colorado

ADHD Creativity Is… In the Spotlight

“I’m a writer and performer. My talent derives from my unique way of conceptualizing and interpreting the world, plus my constant curiosity. That’s an ADHD brain specialty.” — Dee, Canada

“During COVID, my young adult daughter chose stand-up comedy to help her cope. She works a regular job and continues to perform on weekends, including hosting shows.” — Pat, Canada

“As a humor writer and comedian, it’s important to have an interesting P.O.V. ADHD allows me to focus on details others have missed and makes my writing more interesting and robust. Additionally, being very observant helps me gather information about my audiences very quickly and relate to them.” — Nicole, Ohio

ADHD Creativity Is… Hands On

“I renovated my bathroom and kitchen with zero experience — and they both look professionally done.” — Gretchen, Minnesota

“I refinish furniture to make extra money. It is fun and creative.” — Glenda, Alberta, Canada

“Our daughter fully renovated her home, only calling in plumbers and electricians for vital compliance tickets. She also completed the renovation of a friend’s caravan and is working her way through their home, all while completing a college degree in science communication.” — Anna, Australia

ADHD Creativity Is… Inventive

“I think of wonderful inventions to re-purpose everything I’ve purchased over the years. I’m designing and making self-watering raised flower beds and working on an idea for hidden drawers that can slide in and out from under my bed frame.” — Ruth, New York

“My 8-year-old son is amazing. He puts together LEGO kits by himself. Then, a few days later, he’ll take them apart and create something new with the pieces. He created an excavator from a Star Wars set, Godzilla, and several others.” — Meagan, Alabama

“I build websites. When I let my ADHD loose, I can devise incredibly creative ways to accomplish the tasks my clients want. If they want ‘x,’ I can sometimes deliver ‘x,’ and ‘y,’ and ‘z.’ It’s all a matter of using that ADHD focus.” — Andrew, New York

“When my son was 12, he created fidget objects from LEGOS and sold them to friends. My little entrepreneur.” — Tracy, Canada

ADHD Creativity Is… Illuminating

“I teach university students using rare books and archives. ADHD allows me to connect our collections and subject areas, which wouldn’t normally happen. I also love coming up with new lesson ideas others don’t consider.” — Jo, U.K.

“I’m a dynamic, fun, hardworking teacher. I’m the teacher I always needed. I’m always trying new things!” — Marla, New Jersey

“As an educator, I used my ADHD mind to create novel situations. I sponsored a banana-eating contest to help students understand how the economic system works for a social studies class. The kids had to find a banana sponsor, get contestants, decide the admission price, make advertisements, sell tickets, and determine the profit margin. We held the contest in the school auditorium. It was a blast!” — Jane, California

ADHD Creative Thinking: Next Steps

• Download: A Free Calendar for ADHD Empowerment Month
• Read: Inspiring Celebrities Who Harness Creative Thinking
• Read: ADHD Self-Empowerment Begins With Finding Your “Right Difficult”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Peer pressure is a formidable force, and teenage boys with ADHD will likely engage in some forms of risky behavior. Research shows that adolescents are more willing to lean into uncertainty than are adults. This tolerance for risk is part of your teen’s development — though, obviously, too great a tolerance could end in disaster.

It is our job, as parents, to allow our adolescents space to grow while reminding them of the serious, even lethal, consequences associated with some risks. Daredevil driving, substance use, and unprotected sex are a few of the risks that you should never tolerate or ignore.

[Get This Free Download: How to Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control]

Teens are generally more influenced by their friends than by their parents, but family conversations will still likely affect their thinking and decision-making. Start by talking to your son about the risks that worry you most and why they keep you up at night. Make sure to focus your concerns on your son, rather than making the conversation about his friends.

If your teen feels that he needs to defend his friends, you risk turning the discussion into an argument. Staying emotionally balanced can also avoid disagreement or harsh words. Share your thoughts from a place of curiosity and concern for his best interests, rather than judgment.

Whenever the opportunity presents itself, take time to talk and connect with your son without being overbearing. Keeping the dialogue alive and positive can help remind him to avoid the more dangerous risks he will encounter. Of course, there’s no guarantee that your son won’t cross a line, such as experimenting with drugs, that impacts your relationship and trust.

If this happens, it’s up to you to start the process of healing and repairing your bond. A teen boy with ADHD is unlikely to apologize for his mistakes. It’s more likely that he’ll try to avoid responsibility or become oppositional. Preserving your relationship is critical if you’re going to help him manage the consequences of his risky behavior or try to prevent future transgressions. And that means more hard conversations. Before talking with him, plan out the conversation.

[Read: How to Heal a Strained Parent-Teenager Relationship]

• Decide how you’re going to approach your son to initiate the conversation. What is the best time and place for it? Will you be patient and compassionate or commanding yet caring?
• Get clear on your intentions. What are your objectives? What boundaries do you intend to set? What consequences will you enforce if he crosses them?
• Be sure to account for your potential triggers. How will you manage them if they arise so that you can respond in a healthy way, rather than react from negative emotions?

Above all, remember that your son is still growing and learning. He’s a teen, and teens mess up. But they’re also resilient and have a lot of years ahead of them. Their mistakes don’t have to ruin their lives, and, usually, they won’t.

Peer Pressure and ADHD Teens: Next Steps

• Read: When Your Teen Has Questionable Friends
• Free Download: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement
• Read: You Can’t Change Your Defiant Teenager…

Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., is the producer and host of the ADHD Essentials podcast.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Peer acceptance, a sense of self-efficacy, and a stress-is-enhancing mindset are strong predictors of resilience in older teens with ADHD, according to a small longitudinal study published in Child Psychiatry & Human Development.¹

The study, which followed 113 adolescents with ADHD from 10th to 12th grade, found that higher levels of peer acceptance, self-efficacy, and a growth mindset in 10th or 11th grade predicted higher levels of resilience 1.5 to 2 years later.

Peer Acceptance & Mechanisms of Resilience

Participants from the present study were assessed at three points:

• Fall/winter of 10th grade for peer acceptance
• Spring of 10th or 11th grade for self-efficacy, a stress-is-enhancing mindset, and baseline resilience
• Spring of 11th or 12th grade for follow-up on resilience

Peer acceptance at the start of the study explained 24% of the variance in resilience at follow-up. Teens with less severe ADHD symptoms were significantly more likely to report feelings of peer acceptance.

Resilience was measured using the Brief Resilience Scale (BRS), which asked teens to measure their agreement with statements such as “I tend to bounce back quickly after hard times” and “I take a long time to get over setbacks in my life.”

Self-Efficacy

Self-efficacy mediated the relationship between peer acceptance and resilience, accounting for 39% of the variance in resilience at follow-up.

“Greater self-efficacy has been associated with positive outcomes for children and adolescents with ADHD, including lower levels of depression and internalizing symptoms, and reported higher quality of life,” wrote Elizabeth Chan, lead author of the study.

Though ADHD symptom severity did not change the positive effect of self-efficacy on resilience, existing research shows that ADHD symptoms can negatively impact self-esteem.

A Stress-Is-Enhancing Mindset

A stress-is-enhancing mindset accounted for 31% of the variance in resilience. Individuals with this mindset view obstacles as opportunities for learning and development. Teens with more severe ADHD symptoms needed at least a moderate stress-is-enhancing mindset to promote resilience.

A Positive Mindset Has Broad Impact

“One of the key attributes of resilient children and adults is when problems come up, they view these problems as challenges to be solved rather than overwhelmed by,” said Robert Brooks, Ph.D., a leading expert on resilience and motivation.

Healthy peer relationships are also critical for kids with ADHD, many of whom struggle to initiate and maintain friendships. Children tend to experience increased interpersonal problems as they enter adolescence.¹ Between 50% and 80% experience peer rejection, according to one study, which found classmates’ opinions of ADHD students are developed within the first 30 minutes and persist long after.²

“We have to help our children become much better problem solvers and believe in themselves… to start to feel that there are these problems, but there are [also] things we can do,” said Brooks during his 2022 ADDitude webinar “Nurturing Resilience and Motivation in Children with ADHD: The Search for ‘Islands of Competence.”

Existing research on ADHD has associated adaptive outcomes with a growth mindset, as noted by the authors. A growth mindset — the belief that one can change their abilities and circumstances — predicts fewer negative emotions, greater efficacy, and less avoidant coping.^{3, 4}

In contrast, those with a stress-is-debilitating mindset view stress consequentially and are more likely to act on impulse — a core symptom of ADHD. A study published by Society for Research in Child Development and cited by the authors found that, among 1,343 adolescents, more adverse life events predicted greater distress and decreased self-control.⁵ When participants viewed stress as beneficial, they were less likely to respond impulsively to negative events.

Support from Caregivers

No significant interaction was found between a stress-is-enhancing mindset and peer acceptance. According to research cited by the authors, support from parents and teachers may be more influential than support from peers in promoting this enhancing mindset, ^{6, 7} particularly when caregivers praise effort over ability.

Additionally, the presence of a charismatic adult — someone from whom children gather strength — has been associated with resilience in kids with ADHD.⁸ “In the absence of a good co-regulator, a solid, charismatic adult… we know that the likelihood of going on to have positive outcomes goes down,” said Cheryl Chase, Ph.D., in her 2022 webinar with ADDitude on how stress and trauma impact child development. “One charismatic adult can make a massive difference.”

“Despite the adverse outcomes associated with ADHD, some adolescents with ADHD perform as well as or better than their non-ADHD peers in one or more functional domain(s),” wrote Chan et al. “These individuals appear to exhibit resilience, or a pattern of positive adaptation, with some thriving despite the neurobehavioral risks associated with their diagnosis.”

Limitations & Future Research

This was the first study to look at peer acceptance as a predictor of resilience and self-efficacy as a mediator. It was also the first to examine a stress-is-enhancing mindset in the context of ADHD.

Analyses controlled for sex, ADHD symptoms, baseline resilience, and cohort. To be included, participants were required to meet DSM-5 criteria for ADHD combined or inattentive type. Adolescents were excluded if they had a previous or existing diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, bipolar disorder, dissociative or psychotic disorder, or an organic sleep disorder.

Future research should examine the potential causes of gender discrepancy in levels of resilience, which were significantly lower among females with ADHD. A more diverse sample is also needed, as the population was mostly male (67%) and White or Non-Hispanic (81%). A large percentage of the variance in resilience (61%) was unaccounted for; researchers should consider other contributing factors. Self-report scales were used as a primary measure; more objective reporting tools should be considered for future studies. Exploring interventions that encourage greater peer acceptance and a stress-is-enhancing mindset would benefit the study population.

Sources

¹Chan, E.S.M., Dvorsky, M.R., Green, C.D., et al. (2024). Predictors and mechanisms of resilience for high school students with ADHD: a prospective longitudinal study. Child Psychiatry Hum Dev. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-024-01704-3

²Ferretti N.M., King S.L., Hilton D.C., Rondon A.T., & Jarrett M.A. (2019). Social functioning in youth with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and sluggish cognitive tempo. Yale J Biol Med, 92(1), 29-35. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6430168/

³ Burnette, J.L., Babij, A.D., Oddo, L.E., &Knouse, L.E. (2020). Self-regulation mindsets: relationship to coping, executive functioning, and ADHD. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 39(2), 101-116. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2020.39.02.101

⁴ Pay, C. (n.d.). How can I foster a growth mindset in my ADHD kids? Utah State University. https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/faq/how-can-i-foster-a-growth-mindset-in-my-adhd-kids

⁵ Park, D., Yu, A., Metz, S.E., Tsukayama, E., Crum, A.J., & Duckworth, A.L. (2018). Beliefs about stress attenuate the relation among adverse life events, perceived distress, and self-control. Child Dev 89(6), 2059–2069. https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12946

⁶ Haimovitz, K., & Dweck, C.S. (2016). What predicts children’s fixed and growth intelligence mindsets? Not their parents’ views of intelligence but their parents’ views of failure. Psychol Sci 27(6), 859–869. https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797616639727

⁷ Park, D., Gunderson, E.A., Tsukayama, E., Levine, S.C., & Beilock, S.L. (2016). Young children’s motivational frameworks and math achievement: relation to teacher-reported instructional practices, but not teacher theory of intelligence. J Educ Psychol 108(3), 300. https://doi.org/10.1037/edu0000064

⁸ Ofiesh, N.S., & Mather, N. (2023). Resilience and the child with learning disabilities. In: Goldstein, S., & Brooks, R.B. (Eds.). Handbook of resilience in children. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-14728-9_25

Bullying is learned behavior. It results, in part, from living in a world that normalizes bullying. We see this every day in the way certain politicians speak and act, and the way some adults and children express themselves on social media. There is an unspoken belief that bullying gets results. The truth is: From neuroscientific, medical, neurobiological, and physiological points of view, bullying and abuse do nothing positive. They only put the health and performance of kids’ brains at risk.

Bullying Trauma

All forms of bullying — yelling, insulting, shaming, berating, and ignoring — hurt different regions of the brain.

• Extensive research shows that bullying harms the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain involved in executive functioning skills, such as acting reasonably, thinking intentionally, weighing pros and cons, and considering consequences.
• The amygdala, the brain’s threat detection system, may become enlarged as it becomes reactive and hypervigilant, constantly scanning for threats.
• The hippocampus, the brain’s learning and memory center, may shrink as it bathes in cortisol, a stress hormone.
• The corpus callosum, the bundle of fibers that connect the left and right brain hemispheres, may become demyelinated (losing myelin makes it harder for electrical signals to pass quickly and efficiently).

[Get This eBook: How the ADHD Brain Works]

If left untreated, the harm caused by bullying can lead to problems later in life, including substance abuse, anxiety, depression, aggression, conduct disorders, self-harm, suicidal ideation, and relationship issues. That’s the bad news. The good news is that our brains are wired to repair and recover.

The Healing Power of the Brain

From adolescence through early adulthood, neuroplasticity — the brain’s ability to change, get stronger and healthier — is intensive. Teaching children to use breathing strategies, mindfulness, visualization, and co-regulation as ways to shift their reactions toward stability and balance is vital.

All of the following techniques are backed by extensive, peer-reviewed, replicated brain science.

Breathing

When we breathe in a shallow way, quickly, and from our shoulders, our brain believes we are under threat and prepares us to fight, flee, or freeze. We can calm our brains and bodies by breathing from the belly in a slow, rhythmic way. This is how we tell our brains not to worry, to be restful and present, and to feel safe.

[Download: Kid-Friendly Mindful Meditation Exercises]

Visualization

This approach works for the bully and the bullied. When children are frustrated or feel defeated, work with them to actively imagine a different outcome. For example, if a child feels the impulse to lash out and bully their peers, challenge them to imagine what it’s like to be hurt or humiliated. Relating to the victim, rather than threatening them to increase personal superiority and power, can help in lessening or eradicating bullying behavior.

Likewise, when a child is bullied, ask them to visualize what might be going on in the bully’s life that would cause them to be threatening. The goal is not to excuse the aggressive behavior; it’s to understand that each of us has a nervous system that can put us into fight, flight, or freeze mode as circumstances warrant. Then, have them practice body language that exudes confidence, like walking tall and holding their head high as they ignore and walk away from the bully. Also, tell them not to be afraid to seek out a trusted adult for help.

Co-regulation

Help a targeted child feel safe by adopting a loving facial expression, speaking with a gentle tone of voice, offering physical affection, sharing your experiences, and using a melodic speaking pattern. When we speak in a higher-pitched, sing-song voice, as many of us do when we talk to a baby or a pet, it calms the other person.

Those who are targets of bullying can also make their brains more resilient by doing the following:

• Engaging in aerobic exercise
• Eating a healthy diet and taking omega-3 supplements
• Connecting with others
• Getting nine hours of sleep each night
• Spending time in nature

Each of these practices and self-care choices can improve the brain function of children and teens with and without ADHD.

Healing from Bullying Trauma: Next Steps

• Replay: Lifelong Effects of Bullying and the Brain’s Ability to Recover
• eBook: Mindfulness & Meditation for ADHD Symptoms
• Download: Questions to Get Your Child Talking
• Read: How Trauma and Chronic Stress Affect Developing Brains

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Your child can’t find their backpack and the school bus is here already. Wait, they found it. But where’s their homework and the permission slip for that field trip? Oh no, Dad misplaced his wallet and keys — again. Ten minutes later, he’s still searching. Now he’ll be late for work.

Does this sound familiar? Few things cause more strife in a household than clutter and disorganization. When a home is messy, and things are hard to find, it can make everyone feel stressed. Families touched by ADHD can thank weak execution function skills for this all-too-common scenario.

And here’s what can add another layer of conflict: When only some family members have ADHD and struggle to keep things organized and tidy, and others in the household are the opposite — and neat. ADHD or not, you can take control of your surroundings and optimize your spaces with our decluttering techniques and efficient storage solutions. We will bring harmony back to your newly organized and functional environment.

In the webinar, you will learn:

• About the common struggles families face when only some in the household have ADHD, and the conflict that ensues when all family members have ADHD
• About techniques to help kids and parents get started on their goal to become organized and create spaces to put things where they belong
• How having less stuff is key to being organized, and the techniques to help you decide what to keep and what to toss
• How to compromise and bring harmony back to your household

We will also tackle readers’ real-life situations, as well as recount my own experience as a professional organizer who is married to a very lovely but very messy man.

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

How to Organize a Messy Home with ADHD: More Resources

• Free Guide: Hoarding Disorder vs. ADHD Clutter
• Q&A: “Should I Hire a Professional Organizer?”
• Read: How to Motivate for Cleaning House When You Really Don’t Want To
• eBook: Declutter Your Life (and Home! and Office!)

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on September 10, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Tracy McCubbin has always lived by the motto, “Don’t put it down, put it away.” But who knew she could turn that philosophy into a booming business? While working for a major television director in Hollywood, Tracy discovered she had the ability to see through any mess and clearly envision a clutter-free space. Coupled with her keen time management and organizational skills, Tracy soon found fulfillment in helping people discover real solutions by getting to the root of their clutter. That’s when dClutterfly was born.

Almost two decades and thousands of decluttered homes later, Tracy knew it was time to take what she had learned working with her clients to help others around the world dealing with clutter. She authored two best-selling books: Making Space, Clutter-Free: The Last Book on Decluttering You’ll Ever Need and Make Space for Happiness: How to Stop Attracting Clutter and Magnetizing the Life You Want, bringing the beauty of organizing to homes everywhere. (#CommissionsEarned)

Tracy is also a regularly featured expert in The New York Times, Forbes, goop, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Yahoo News, CBS, NBC, FOX, Real Simple, and more.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Listener Testimonials

“I have heard Tracy before, and I think about what she says when I stare at boxes or piles. I have made small improvements. This motivated me to make a plan again and move forward.”

“Thank you SO much! I’m 74 and still trying. Best takeaways: If you’re keeping it because you’re afraid it’s going to the landfill, your home is the landfill; and keep putting it away in the same place, like your toothbrush, and you will eventually always know where it belongs.”

“This seminar really made me reflect on how I have improved my skills regarding decluttering. I remember years ago when I used to ‘shut down’ whenever the time came to get rid of things. Now, I do things differently, and I feel pretty good about these changes in myself.”

Webinar Sponsor

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Ready to turn the mess into success? Take our ADHD test or schedule a consultation to kickstart your journey to sharper focus and a better quality of life with Play Attention. Call 828-676-2240 or visit www.playattention.com.

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But just like other families, we crave a “third place” where we can relax. So when we discovered Wheated, a gourmet pizza restaurant in our Brooklyn neighborhood, it filled a huge hole in our lives.

Our Third Place: A Neurodiversity-Affirming Pizzeria

I won’t soon forget the tang of the first sip of Umbria or the texture of the pizza’s sourdough crust. But what will stay with me forever is how the restaurant staff made us feel.

After a few visits, my son was on a first-name basis with the owner, who was also a huge soccer fan. He’d chat with my son about soccer as if he had all the time in the world, while the restaurant bustled around us. No matter what drama happened during the week, we had our Sunday night ritual to look forward to and to savor. The servers knew our complicated order and didn’t blink at all the substitutions.

[Take This Self-Test: Signs of Autism in Children]

We would arrive most Sundays just as they opened for dinner. We reserved the same table in the back corner every time. There was loud music, and at times our kid was overstimulated; at other times, I was overstimulated. Waiting for the food was hard. Sometimes, our son moved around in ways that were not the safest for the wait staff and the other diners.

But the staff was gracious to us, always, even when patience ran out on both ends. Even when my son had a meltdown during one of our first visits. Thankfully, it happened to be Super Bowl Sunday, and we were one of the only families there, but the moment was hard nonetheless.

Even as my son screamed and cried and jumped, we were treated respectfully and kindly. The staff set the tone for the other diners. We never had the feeling of hairy eyeballs on us that was so common in other places.

A Friendly and Inclusive Space

The more we visited, the easier the dining experience became. I brought art supplies and noise-canceling headphones. We danced in our seats near the open kitchen, where our son could watch the chefs twirling dough in the air. There were some swift exits and half-eaten meals—but through these experiences, my son developed new skills, and we enjoyed ourselves together.

[Read: “A Love Letter to My Son’s Special Interests”]

We became loyal customers. Eventually, over years, our son got used to the many noises of a busy restaurant. He learned dining etiquette, how to order his own dinner, and where he could safely stim while keeping the aisle clear for servers. We took our family and friends to the restaurant, and were able to have lovely, relaxed celebrations because our kid was known and accepted for who he was there.

I will forever be grateful to that restaurant for helping my son gain social skills and confidence while accepting him unconditionally. The sense of belonging to a “third place” will stay with him as he grows up and branches out to other restaurants and public spaces.

I’d like to think that our family had a positive influence on the restaurant as well. (At the very least, we tipped well!)

If you’re looking for that “third place” for your own family, don’t give up. Inclusive places are out there, and they are delicious.

Autism Acceptance: Next Steps

• Free Download: The ADHD-Autism Link in Children
• Read: 4 Autism Myths — Dispelled
• Read: How to Process and Accept Your Child’s Neurodiversity

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
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Help your child stay hydrated and healthy this summer (and year-round) with these strategies.

1. Follow a Hydration Routine

Develop a fluid-intake routine to train your child to better tune in to their senses.

Challenge your child to drink a minimum of eight cups of fluids — even better if it’s mostly water — spaced out every few hours throughout the day (e.g., after waking up, mid-morning, before lunch, mid-afternoon, and before dinner). Your child may need more fluids depending on activity level and the weather. Fluids can be paired with snacks and meals.

Monitor your child’s fluid intake — including time, amount, and types of fluids (water, juice, milk, etc.) they drink. Maintaining a log can help ensure they’re sticking to the routine and help you spot any unhealthy drinking patterns, like not drinking enough in one sitting, going for long hours without fluid intake, or hydrating too close to bedtime, which can disrupt sleep. Be sure to ask teachers, babysitters, and other caregivers to record your child’s fluid intake, too.

[Read: A How-To Guide to Summer Safety]

If your child struggles to tell when they’re thirsty, chances are that they also struggle to tell when they’re hungry and/or need to use the bathroom. A benefit of a hydration routine is that it can regulate all these bodily processes. Download my free chart here to track your child’s eating, drinking, and bathroom habits.

2. Set Reminders

• Set alarms using your watch, smartphone, and/or a device such as an Alexa to prompt your child and family to drink water and other fluids.
• Use pictures and other visual cues. Hang up an illustration of a child eating and drinking in sequence to remind your child what to do. Store cups next to plates and pack a carton of juice with your child’s lunchbox to visually connect eating with drinking.

3. Make Hydrating Fun

Encourage your child to choose a special cup or bottle, like one decorated with their favorite characters or animals, to motivate them to refill and stay hydrated. Novelty or musical reusable straws are also fun. Make water more interesting and palatable by adding natural flavors such as chopped mango, blueberries, or any fruit of your child’s choice, introduced at different times of the day.

[Read: How I Reduce the Summer Stress]

4. Incorporate Hydrating, Water-Rich Foods

Hydrating is not just about consuming cups of fluids. Water-rich foods – gelatin, popsicles, yogurts, and fruits – can also help your child stay hydrated. Though not a substitute for drinking fluids overall, these foods are a great compromise if your child resists drinking fluids.

5. Get Help from a Medical Professional

If keeping your child hydrated with the above strategies is a daily battle, you may be thinking, “Can’t I just let my child drink when they want to?”

Our bodies need to stay hydrated for many health reasons, from keeping the bladder clear of bacteria to carrying nutrients and oxygen to cells. Indigestion, constipation, and dysregulation are all results of dehydration.

But forcing your child to take in more fluid isn’t the answer. A medical professional can help you implement healthy strategies for your unique child.

Be mindful of the following symptoms, as they could indicate that your child is dehydrated. If symptoms are severe, call 911.

• dry mouth, lips, tongue, eyes, and skin
• tiredness and irritability
• headaches and dizziness
• dark, concentrated, strong-smelling urine
• urinating less frequently
• muscle cramps or spasms (may be noticeable during play)
• rapid heartbeat

Hydration Tips for Neurodivergent Kids: Next Steps

• Get This Free Download: 20 Secrets to a Smarter Summer
• Read: Engineer Better Environments Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD
• Read: More Than Picky Eating — Conditions Linked to Feeding Difficulties in Children

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

“I take advantage of the morning coolness and plan outdoor activities before the summer sun heats up. One child is very sensitive to heat, so indoor activities take up the afternoon. I allow screen time later in the day. If I allow this too early, I’ve lost them for the rest of the day.”

“All of my kids have ADHD, and they get on each other’s nerves, so separating them as much as possible works best. I schedule activities at different times. When one child is busy, I spend one-on-one time with the other.”

[Free Download: 20 Secrets to a Smarter Summer]

“We have three kids, two with ADHD and one with AuDHD. We arrange for camps at staggered times, so when they start to get bored, there’s another camp to go to.”

“Both my kids have ADHD. One is inattentive, and one is hyperactive/impulsive. They prefer to be home in the summer instead of at a camp. They have vastly different interests, different ways of handling things, and are at different developmental stages. This is what works for us: giving each some one-on-one time, scheduling family activities and chores to keep them busy, and letting one stay home while the other goes to their grandparents for a day or two.”

“My kids with ADHD get so adept at their school-related and after-school obligations that, come summer, they almost freak out with the overstimulation of all the options available. One child craves fresh and new activities while the other requires routine. Hanging out at a public pool and inviting different friends to come with help. Going to a park with splash zones is good for the child who likes novelty. Going there at the same time helps the child who craves routine.”

“Sibling squabbles are a big hot button for us. I have been working with my kids on slowing down, emphasizing belly breathing, and waiting 90 seconds to allow the fight or flight chemicals to clear from their brains. Then, I encourage each to share their perspective while the other silently listens. Then I allow them to collaborate on a solution.”

How to Stop Siblings from Fighting: Next Steps

• Download: Free Guide to Choosing the Perfect Summer Camp
• Read: “My Kids Fight Nonstop!” How to Squash ADHD Sibling Rivalry
• Read: The Other Child
• Special ADDitude Collection: Summer Learning Ideas for Kids with ADHD

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Decision-making deficits may signal and lead to social problems for children with ADHD. Strong feelings of delay aversion — which cause individuals with ADHD to choose the option most likely to avoid delays and wait times — drive poor decision making for youth with ADHD, according to a two-phased longitudinal study published by Nature in March.¹

The study is the first to investigate and link general deficits in decision making to social problems in ADHD. Children aged 8 to 12 completed the Cambridge Gambling Task (CGT) in 2016 and again four years later.² At both time points, poorer risk adjustment and stronger delay aversion were associated with social problems for participants with ADHD, but not for typically developing children.

The CGT is a computerized test developed to assess decision-making and risk-taking behavior across a variety of disorders, including ADHD, mood disorders, and traumatic brain injury. Participants were shown 10 boxes — some red, some blue — and asked to guess which of the two colors hid a yellow token. The proportion of red to blue boxes varied between rounds.

Participants also estimated the likelihood of their choice being correct by clicking on a wager value displayed on the screen, in ascending or descending order, as a percentage of total points. Points were either awarded or deducted from the participant’s starting score of 100 based on the accuracy of their bets.

Four outcomes were measured using the CGT: delay aversion, risk adjustment, reflection time, and risk proneness. Delay aversion at baseline was the main predictor of social problems in children with ADHD. Although the difference in delay aversion between the ADHD and control groups was not significant at follow-up, performance at baseline still predicted greater social problems over time. Risk adjustment was the only trait that remained consistently poorer in children with ADHD over four years. At both points in the study, their ability to weigh risks by learning from previous choices was significantly worse than controls.

Delay Aversion & Social Problems

More than half of children with ADHD struggle with peer relationships.³ In a 2022 ADDitude survey on youth mental health, children and teens with ADHD were twice as likely to be bullied compared to neurotypical students. Bullying most often occurs in middle or high school.⁴

According to lead author and researcher Lin Sorenson, delay aversion — recognized as a factor of ADHD since the 1980s — has been shown to cause social problems by leading to impulsive and disruptive behavior. In the present study, social impulsivity in ADHD was not due to longer reflection times or risk proneness, but rather the ability to adapt to changing social situations. Inconsistent social performance, not deficits in social skill acquisition, impact social outcomes in children with ADHD.⁵

“The inconsistency in motivation and performance is the most puzzling aspect of ADHD,” writes clinical psychologist Thomas E. Brown, Ph.D. “It seems like the child or adult with the disorder who can show strong motivation and focus very well for some tasks should be able to do the same for most other tasks… However, ADHD is not a matter of willpower. It is a problem with the dynamics of the chemistry of the brain.”

The delay aversion hypothesis suggests that ADHD behaviors are triggered, at least in part, by the motivation to escape or avoid negative emotions that surface when confronted by wait times, prior to receiving a reward or completing a task.⁶ In the ADHD brain, the imposition of a delay activates the amygdala’s fight or flight response and can overpower other motivating factors.⁷ Delay aversion has also been associated with a preference for smaller immediate rewards and with inattentive symptoms, and may be stronger in boys with ADHD.⁵

Conduct & Mood Problems

As in previous studies, parents of children with ADHD reported greater social, mood, and conduct problems over the course of the study. Researchers measured negative affect using the Child Behavior Checklist (CBCL), a widely used parent-report instrument with subscales for social problems, conduct problems, and anxiety/depression problems. While none of the CGT parameters predicted negative outcomes, all but risk proneness were associated with social, conduct, and mood problems.

Limitations & Future Research

“Our results indicate that these [social] problems are predicted by difficulties in adapting dynamically to changing contextual conditions,” Sorenson wrote. “On the CGT, this can be observed by difficulties in adapting choices to the changing patterns of outcome probabilities (poorer risk adjustment).”

Study limitations included a low sample size and medication inconsistency. Of the 70 participants present at baseline, 47 participated in the follow-up. Most of the children in the ADHD group were on medication but were drug-naive at baseline. Participants were aged 11 to 17.

The authors encourage future studies to test the prediction of suboptimal decision-making driven by delay aversion on social competence in ADHD. Identifying and understanding poor decision-making driven by delay aversion can help inform psychoeducation and training programs for caregivers and children.

Actionable Strategies

Parents and teachers can use the following strategies to help improve social outcomes among children with ADHD:

• Incorporate timers into your child’s routine. “Parents can help improve delay aversion by using timers that chunk work into smaller bits,” says psychologist Carla Counts Allan, Ph.D. “If the whole homework routine, which lasts an hour, is too painful for your child, set the timer for 10 minutes of active work and then let him take a short break or earn a small piece of a reward for later.”
• Use reflective listening with your child. “Let’s say you have a kid who doesn’t necessarily read the room and alienates people,” said Caroline Maguire, M.Ed., in her webinar, “Why Will No One Play with Me?” “He may have some opinions about school that drive you nuts or that just don’t seem true. You use this reflective listening technique by simply repeating back their words and what they say…. If you repeat back someone’s words, they feel very validated and they have the chance to clarify.”
• Provide positive feedback for good behavior and special talents. Doing this in front of classmates can help improve self-esteem and peer recognition.
• Watch for problematic screen time. Teens with ADHD are more vulnerable to the risks of social media such as depression, anxiety, and self-harm than same-age peers without ADHD, according to an ADDitude survey on social media use. Teens are also more likely to become addicted to video games.⁸
• Enroll in behavioral parent training. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends this as a first-line treatment for ADHD in young children. “Kids with ADHD need to be taught in the moment, which is why parents and educators can be most helpful in building social executive function skills,” said Ryan Wexelblatt, LCSW, in his webinar, “The Social Reboot: Helping Tween and Teen Boys with ADHD Make Friends.”

“Your child may make a social breakthrough one day and appear to take several steps back the next – and that’s perfectly normal,” says Wexelblatt. “Be patient. Results will come slowly and with time – not overnight.”

Sources

¹ Sorensen, L., Adolfsdottir, S., Kvadsheim, E., et al. (2024). Suboptimal decision making and interpersonal problems in ADHD: Longitudinal evidence from a laboratory task. Scientific Reports, 14, 6535. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-024-57041-x

² Sorensen, L., Sonuga-Barke, E., Eichele, H., van Wageningen, H., Wollschlaeger, D., & Plessen, K. J. (2017). Suboptimal decision making by children with ADHD in the face of risk: Poor risk adjustment and delay aversion rather than general proneness to taking risks. Neuropsychology, 31(2), 119–128. https://doi.org/10.1037/neu0000297

³ CHADD. (n.d.). Relationships and social skills. CHADD. https://chadd.org/for-adults/relationships-social-skills/

⁴ Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2024). Youth violence prevention: About bullying. CDC. https://www.cdc.gov/youth-violence/about/about-bullying.html?CDC_AAref_Val

⁵ Paloyelis, Y., Asherson, P., & Kuntsi, J. (2009). Are ADHD symptoms associated with delay aversion or choice impulsivity? A general population study. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 48(8), 837–846. https://doi.org/10.1097/CHI.0b013e3181ab8c97

⁶ Van Dessel, J., Sonuga-Barke, E., Mies, G., Lemiere, J., Van der Oord, S., Morsink, S., & Danckaerts, M. (2018). Delay aversion in attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder is mediated by amygdala and prefrontal cortex hyper-activation. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 59(8), 888-899. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12868

⁷ Green, R. (2023). ADHD symptom spotlight: Delay aversion. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/adhd-symptom-spotlight-delay-adversion-7104447

⁸ Weinstein, A., & Weizman, A. (2012). Emerging association between addictive gaming and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Current Psychiatry Reports, 14(5), 590–597. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-012-0311-x

In fourth grade, my favorite teacher led an activity where we had to describe to our peers how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as if they were aliens who had never heard of such a food. As bright fourth graders, we started by telling the other group to “put the peanut butter on the bread.” As you can imagine, the instruction was so vague that my peers, who were only following directions, placed the entire peanut butter jar on top of the bread, which was not our intention. “Working and communicating together in groups can be challenging,” my teacher told me. “Did you learn anything from this?”

Working in groups – and socializing in general – can be especially challenging for kids with ADHD. ADHD is not so much about knowledge-based deficits as it is about performance-based challenges. A lot of us know how to socialize and we understand what’s right and wrong, but we struggle when we need to display our social skills. That’s why it’s so important to practice skills in real time, and why it’s even more important for parents to support and replicate skill-building at home.

The following are three social skills activities I have found help children with ADHD because they can be practiced in a social-skills groups with same-aged peers AND outside of the office with the support of parents:

“LEGO My Creation”

The first strategy, derived from an activity book by Jennifer Cook O’Toole, is written for parents, clinicians, and educators of autistic children. Given the overlap between autism and ADHD, this resource may be helpful more broadly.

[Get This Free Download: A Friendship Guide for Kids with ADHD]

The goal behind this communication activity resembles that of my PB&J fourth grade bit. During the activity, children sit back-to-back and each pair is given identical LEGO pieces. In each pair, Child #1 creates a structure with the pieces while Child #2, still turned the other way, waits. Then, Child #1, who built the structure, practices clearly and patiently communicating what they created to Child #2, who is blind to what Child #1 created. Child #2 has to try to build a replica using only Child #1’s verbal description. Both partners can only see and compare structures at the end of the activity. Before the activity, clinicians and/or parents should discuss helpful tips for easier communication, and children should also be coached and given direct feedback during the activity.

I like this activity because, even if it turns out to be very difficult for the pair, it will likely serve to increase awareness of situations in which children may be misunderstood and need to explain things more clearly. Other versions of this same activity, like drawing, can help with clarifying thoughts and with communicating more effectively.

Two tips I’ve learned in my practice with neurodivergent youth: Make sure the LEGO pieces are large and simplify the task for them as much as you can. The goal is to teach them something, but also to make the task attainable and fun, so if the structure is too difficult to describe, that may suck the fun out of the activity and make the game unnecessarily stressful.

Spin the Confidence Wheel

Many of the neurodivergent pre-teens and teens with whom I work say they want to increase their confidence in social situations. Enter the Confidence Wheel, an activity I derived from my exposure therapy work with anxious youth. Each slice of the wheel is filled in with a unique social anxiety exposure or situation based on the child’s specific triggers. When the wheel stops, the child has to engage in the social anxiety exposure indicated. (For so much of anxiety, the only way out is through.) After discussing the rationale behind this activity and receiving some core coping skills, the child engages in the social anxiety exposure with the support of their social skills group and clinician; they can also practice outside of the office with parental support.

[Read: 5 Ways to Reframe Anxiety for Your Worried Teen]

I like this one because it is applied – it pushes the child to actually DO something rather than just discuss a skill, and it can be practiced with parents’ support. After all, it will be difficult to engage in real-life social skills practice if anxiety is holding them back.

Winging it with Improv

Improvisation has so many social skills built into it — changing and adapting personas based on context, getting used to quick cognitive shifts, following what others are saying, staying on topic – that can help neurodivergent youth rehearse in a funny and supportive environment.

Improv classes, programs, clubs, and camps are everywhere – another benefit of this activity. As individuals with ADHD, we need humor and movement to stay sane, and improv provides both. Here’s a display of one improv activity I’ve seen work well with neurodivergent preteens and teens: LiveKellyandMark.

In each of these activities, we encourage adolescents to interact with others in real time while facing their social fears in fun, supportive environments. These exercises and contexts teach them to love themselves for who they are while opening their minds to new strategies for becoming the best versions of themselves.

Social Skills Activities: Next Steps

• Read: Social Smarts — The Teen Years
• Read: Building (Real) Friendships in the Age of Social Media
• Watch: The Social Reboot – Helping Tween and Teen Boys with ADHD Make Friends

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Children and teens with ADHD are most likely to be bullied at school than their neurotypical peers. Why? ADHD symptoms and behaviors like impulsivity, trouble detecting social cues, low self-esteem, and executive function deficits make them easy targets.

What you might not know is that bullying and abuse can physically harm a child’s brain architecture and function. The neurological scars are visible on brain scans.

What’s empowering and inspiring is that all brains benefit from neuroplasticity, which means they are shaped by environment and by practice. Learn about the strategies that can help your child with or without ADHD better cope with and respond to bullies. The more parents, teachers, and coaches understand about how brains may suffer from bullying and abusive conduct, the better equipped they will be to prevent, protect, and respond to these harmful acts.

In this webinar, you will learn about:

• The ADHD symptoms and behaviors that may make children with the condition a target
• The different forms of bullying, and the harmful physical impact that each may have on a child’s brain structure and function
• Strategies and practices to repair the neurological scars from bullying and abuse
• Practical and actionable interventions for strengthening the brain and restoring holistic health

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the  symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO; YouTube

Bullying, Trauma, and ADHD: More Resources

• Download: Secrets of the ADHD Brain
• Get: The ADHD Guide to Making & Keeping Friends
• Read: 13 Trauma-Informed Teaching Strategies for Educators Today
• Read: How to Protect Your Child From Cyberbullying

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on June 11, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Jennifer Fraser, Ph.D., is an award-winning teacher of 20 years and the author of four books. Her latest book, The Bullied Brain: Heal Your Scars and Restore Your Health, tackles all forms of bullying and abuse to examine how they impact the brain. (#CommissionsEarned) She also writes a regular series for Psychology Today called “Bullied Brain,” which explains the important but little-known research into just how much bullying and abuse can physically hurt brain structure and function.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Listener Testimonials

“This webinar had a lot of valuable insights, presented in an easy-to-understand and easy-to-implement way!”

“It was so helpful to hear a different perspective on bullying. I hope that this will become common practice.”

“I found this to be very informative and will be helpful in my treating/working with teens. Dr. Fraser’s work would corelate well with resilience theory.”

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
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And if ADHD runs in that family, the jam is not only juggling family life, health, and career, but also managing executive dysfunction, emotional dysregulation, and the complicated needs of other neurodivergent family members — diagnosed and otherwise. As “sandwiched” ADDitude readers tell us, this complex time of life is full of strain and overwhelm.

“The stress of being a mom to neurodivergent children, an employee, and a wife on top of caring for my mother seems absolutely unbearable at times. I don’t understand how others manage it all.”

“I am feeling overwhelmed with my role as a parent of an ADHD child while seeing changes in my own parents as they age.”

“My own ADHD is making it exponentially more difficult to assist my 90-year-old parents, both of whom I suspect have ADHD, as well as my three grandchildren, all diagnosed with ADHD.”

No matter the composition of your family’s sandwich, use the following strategies to reduce stress and practice self-compassion while you pull double or triple caregiving duty.

[Download This Free Parenting Guide for Caregivers with ADHD]

Sandwich Generation Strategies for ADHD Adults

1. Set boundaries.

Boundaries are tricky because they’re tangled up with cultural, personal, gender, and familial expectations. You may feel immense pressure to make others happy, even at the expense of your own happiness. Rejection sensitive dysphoria and perfectionism may amplify feelings of failure as you try to do it all. As uncomfortable as it may feel, setting boundaries is a skill you must learn and practice to prevent burnout and improve your wellbeing.

• It doesn’t have to be a hard “no.” Find alternative ways to politely decline or adjust a situation. Say, “Let me sleep on it and get back to you,” “Mom, I have to call you back after I have dinner,” “Can I take a rain check?” or “That sounds wonderful, but unfortunately, I won’t be able to help this time.” Practice declining offers in a low-pressure environment, like at a store when the cashier tries to upsell you.
• Be firm where you can be. Mute your phone or disable certain notifications. Question whether something really needs your attention now. If you work from home, consider creating color-coded signage that communicates your level of availability. Have conversations when needed about hot spots. For example, if you experience stress when your parents show up unannounced, talk to them about calling ahead or dropping by only on certain days of the week.
• Guilt will come up, but it doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong. You’re simply in unfamiliar territory. Be kind to yourself and know that you can feel the guilt and still choose to protect your boundaries.

 2. Know your hot spots.

Not all sandwiched caregivers feel the same squeeze. Identify your personal hot spots, such as interruptions, noise, clutter, food prep, emotional reactions, and/or transitions. Name your most nagging daily challenges — the ones that send ADHD symptoms into overdrive — and brainstorm steps to manage them.

For example, if grumpiness at the end of your workday clouds your evening mood, take 10 full, uninterrupted minutes to do a breathing exercise or a relaxing activity when your workday ends. Self-awareness alone can help mute your inner critic as you try to juggle it all.

[Read: How I Calm Down My ADHD Brain — 14 Quick De-Stressors]

Work with family members to identify and address their hot spots, too. For example, ask your teen to spend five minutes organizing a small section of their room when energy supply is high, not at the end of the day when ADHD medication has worn off.

3. Carve out time to do what helps you feel regulated.

Get serious about scheduling self-care time in your calendar. Self-care is anything that helps you feel calm and gathered, like non-negotiable buffer time between tasks and activities, a morning walk, a hearty breakfast, talking to a friend, reading or listening to an audiobook for 15 minutes, and even taking the time to make your bed (especially if clutter overwhelms you).

4. Don’t rush to problem-solve or cheerlead.

Validation — simply listening to and acknowledging how you or a family member else is feeling — usually lowers the volume on big emotions in ADHD households. Your child may feel devastated that they flunked their math test, but rather than rush to cheerlead (“Oh, I know you’ll do better next time!”) or suggest solutions like tutoring, start by saying something like, “I hear that you’re feeling disappointed right now, right? It totally makes sense that you feel this way because you studied so hard.”

 5. Use all available supports to lessen the burden.

Support comes in many forms, like asking a friend or family member to body double or help with a particular area of caregiving, leaning on a community program for adult or afterschool care, or using paid services like subscription meal kits, cleaning services, or a virtual assistant if financially feasible. As you decide which resources to utilize, remember that your time and energy are resources, too. Also, when you accept someone’s help, understand that they may not do it your way — and that’s fine.

6. What would you say to a friend?

Dual caregiving while managing your own life (and ADHD symptoms) is objectively difficult. Like other sandwiched adults, you likely aren’t giving yourself enough credit for juggling all that you do.  You may over-identify with mistakes, fixate on what you haven’t done, and think that you’re failing. You may feel as though things only get done when you beat yourself up.

When your inner critic pipes up, take a moment to practice self-compassion by asking yourself, “What would I say to a friend going through this?” Chances are that you’d never judge a friend the way that you judge yourself. Keep this question on a sticky note and place it on your mirror as a daily reminder. Remember that it’s possible to be compassionate and productive simultaneously.

7. Accept what you cannot change.

No, you did not ask to be in the middle of a complex, neurodivergent sandwich. But here you are. To guard your wellbeing, follow this credo: accept what you can’t change, change what you can, and know the difference.

You may not recognize your habit of claiming responsibility for things well outside of your control. You may feel it’s your duty to make your stubborn parents believe that ADHD exists and that it runs in your family — a common complaint I hear among sandwiched adults in neurodivergent families. Conversation after conversation, article after article, your parents may still choose to deny that your child has ADHD, that you have ADHD, or that they themselves exhibit symptoms. This is distressing, but remember that you’re doing your best and that accepting your current reality doesn’t mean that you’re siding with your parents or giving up.

When you focus on where you can make a difference and what you can relinquish, it will be much easier to disengage from energy siphons and find reasonable solutions for all the ingredients in your sandwich.

Sandwich Generation and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Guide: ADHD in Older Adults
• Self-Test: 10 Questions to Reveal Parental Burnout
• Read: When ADHD (Literally) Runs in the Family
• Read: 12 Ways to Build Strong ADHD Families

You Are Not Alone: Additional Resources

• AARP Family Caregiving
• CDC – For Caregivers, Family, and Friends
• Family Caregiver Alliance
• Working Parent Burnout Webinar (from The Ohio State University)
• ADDitude – ADHD Support Group for Parents
• ADDitude – ADHD Support Group for Adults
• CHADD – Find a local ADHD support group

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Squeezed in the Sandwich Generation: How to Manage ADHD in Yourself, Your Children, and Your Elderly Parents” [Video Replay & Podcast #490] with Danna McDonald, RMFT-SQ, RSW, which was broadcast on February 8, 2024.

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