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“Mastering the Head Game:” 6 Life-Changing Insights from ADHD Gurus

How to live better with ADHD, according to the experts.

By Carole Fleck Verified Updated on September 30, 2024
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“Living with ADHD is a breeze,” said no one ever with the condition. Between distractibility and forgetfulness, and the daily flood of emotions and insecurities, coping with ADHD takes patience, resilience, and a generous dash of humor.

To help our readers better manage symptoms and manifestations, ADDitude turned to the pros in the field of ADHD and asked: What do you want your patients/clients/caregivers to know to make life better?

1. There’s nothing simple about living as good a life as you can.

Ned Hallowell, M.D., author of many books, including Driven to Distraction (#CommissionsEarned)

Every day poses hurdles. Use your innate creativity to turn the challenges into opportunities. And when you mess up, as we all do, forgive yourself — immediately. The world loves punctuality and rewards it lavishly, while punishing tardiness with a vengeance. No one ever changed the world by virtue of their punctuality.

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2. You must care for yourself in addition to caring for others.

Lisa Woodruff, author and founder of Organize 365

When someone needs physical care, they often also need support in their life administration. Household cleaning, laundry, and meal planning are obvious tasks to consider. However, the invisible work of managing mail, bills, insurance claims, doctors’ appointments, tax payments, and other correspondence is often overlooked. Designate a basket for these items as they come in and make a weekly schedule for handling these administrative tasks.

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3. Setting strong boundaries supports acceptance of differences and healthy relationships.

Melissa Orlov, marriage consultant and author of The Couple’s Guide to Thriving with ADHD (#CommissionsEarned)

It can be a gift to help a partner in need, but non-ADHD partners should avoid the temptation to do too much and take over. ADHD partners often need to learn better coping strategies so they can step up more reliably.

For parents of kids with ADHD, having good boundaries is about balancing caretaking with knowing when not to engage. When teens and kids with ADHD struggle with tasks, don’t take over. Instead, help them put coping strategies in place to foster independence. Too many young adults with ADHD go to college without enough practice in keeping themselves on task without a parent’s help.

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4. Change your perspective and you may find it easier to navigate ADHD.

Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., host of the ADHD Essentials podcast

Managing ADHD isn’t necessarily about learning tricks and hacks; it’s often mastering the head game that makes the most difference.

  • ADHD is a roller coaster. Just because someone was on top of everything yesterday doesn’t mean they won’t struggle today. Meeting an individual where they are, and patiently supporting them as they get to where they need to be, leads to greater success overall.
  • Accept ADHD manifestations. People with ADHD are going to lose items, forget to do things, and overbook themselves. We judge a person with ADHD for having a disability in a way that we don’t judge a person with asthma, for example. Let’s give the person with ADHD permission to have the struggles they have.

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5. You can be inconsistent in all your behaviors and still get great results.

Alan Brown, ADHD coach and creator of the ADD Crusher video series

Here’s a common scenario: We start a new behavior, and a week later, we fall off and beat ourselves up. “See? I’m not consistent with anything. So why bother?” I have countless systems and hacks to make my life easier and get more done. And I’m far from 100% consistent with any of them. And I’m okay with that. When I mess up, I just get back at it and try to diagnose why I fell off. No matter how inconsistent you are, stop berating yourself, give yourself some grace, and get back on the pony again.

The way we talk to ourselves impacts our well-being and success. For instance, we’ve likely adopted what we heard growing up: “Why can’t you try harder?” This brings thoughts like, “I must be lazy.” Try these two actions to improve your self-talk:

  • Identify disempowering scripts from the past. When you notice them, pause and rewrite them.
  • Shift from first-person to second-person scripts. “You are trying, Buddy. And you’re going to keep trying to figure it out.”

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6. There are laws that protect individuals with ADHD.

Susan Yellin, Esq., director of Advocacy and Transition Services at The Yellin Center for Mind, Brain, and Education

It’s important to know that several federal laws protect students and workers with ADHD and other differences in school and in the workplace. Understanding differences and similarities between the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act, Section 504, and the Americans with Disabilities Act is the first step toward securing the necessary accommodations and supports. Take time to research these laws, and how they are applied in your state or city.

All services, accommodations, and supports should start with documentation of a good evaluation. Students can receive an evaluation at no cost from their school district as a starting point, and adults under treatment for ADHD can obtain documentation from their treating physician.

How to Deal with ADHD: Next Steps

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