How could time be so slippery? I went back and counted all the things I’d done earlier, because there surely had to be more accomplishments in my day. And there were — dishes, laundry, work tasks. Not bad — I’d assumed I’d only accomplished one thing, but I’d accomplished four, though three of those tasks could in no way account for all that time.

I went back through my day with a magnifying glass and — ah-ha! There they were! More accomplishments. Except these accomplishments were in the form of low-value but highly alluring distractions.

Was I mad at myself for wasting a precious Saturday? For once, I decided not to be.

A Guilt Trip Won’t Drive Me to Productivity Land

I looked down at the self-reproach stick I keep close at hand (if you have ADHD, you know the one) and flung it into the corner. Words came tumbling out of the stick and onto the floor. You shouldn’t have done what you did! How could you?!

[Read: “Shame Spiral Advice from the Counselor with ADHD Who Needs to Take Her Own Advice”]

I stepped on the words, squishing them. No mercy. Sometimes, we just need to be firm with our inner critical voices.

Instead of succumbing to self-reproach, I saw the opportunity to learn. I looked at how to prevent future Saturdays from looking like this Saturday.

I started by identifying what needed fixing and what needed encouraging, neither of which I could have done if I continued to harass myself over my missteps.

I decided to install a website blocker on my phone to deter me from reading the news, a big distractor. This worked for a while, and eventually it taught me that I don’t want to be looking at the news all day, anyway. These days, I don’t need the blocker. Instead, I purposely moved my news app four screens from the home screen. Every scroll to get there gives me a moment to mindfully pause and consider if I really want to read the news. The gap affords me the opportunity to choose better because I want to do better.

[Read: Silence Your Harshest Critic — Yourself]

I also set up a decent, doable game plan for my weekends. Instead of thinking I can get everything done, I now have a good balance of tasks. I don’t crack the proverbial whip — well, at least not as much as I did, or at least not as wickedly. I settle in and enjoy my work, task after task, and revel in crossing each one off my list. I acknowledge each completed task to myself, which fuels me on to the next thing.

Finally, I decided to program fun at the end of the day to reward myself. It’s not major – online puzzles before bed are very fun and simple treats, if I do say so.

All this, and no self-berating sticks, no “wasted” weekends. It’s such a luxury in comparison to the alternative. The pivot from being mad at myself to being happy with my progress is such a life-changer. The more I gently encourage small steps, one after the other, the more I’m rocking Saturdays like you won’t believe.

Feeling Guilty for Not Being Productive: Next Steps for ADHD Brains

• Free Download: Get Control of Your Life and Schedule
• Read: “Use Your Time Wisely by ‘Spending’ It with Intent”
• Read: Stop Dodging That Dreaded Task! 9 Ways to Halt Avoidance Procrastination

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

It’s been a year of new chapters for Jessica McCabe, the creator, writer, and star of the popular YouTube channel “How to ADHD.” In January, she published her first book, How to ADHD: An Insider’s Guide to Working with Your Brain (Not Against It) (#CommissionsEarned), which quickly became a New York Times bestseller. And in March, she became a new mom.

McCabe has been called the fairy godmother of ADHD by the iconic Ned Hallowell, M.D. “The world has been waiting for this book,” he says of her debut work.

ADDitude had a candid conversation with McCabe just weeks before she gave birth. We talked about her experience and dedication to writing her book.

The Writing of “How to ADHD”

ADDitude: Jessica, I found your book to be incredibly thorough, helpful, and empowering. You synthesized the most important research and insights on ADHD, while also living with the executive function challenges that you were writing about. How did you do it?

Jessica: It was my dream to write and finish this book. I am not somebody who finishes long-term projects. I dropped out of community college. I dropped out of massage school. I got distracted from, quit, or was fired from a ton of jobs.

[Watch ADDitude’s Webinar with Jessica McCabe: An Insider’s Guide to Working with Your ADHD Brain]

This is the first time I intentionally entered and completed a long-term project. It helped a lot that I already knew this information because I’d been learning about how my brain worked and where my challenges lay, and the strategies to support them.

ADDitude: What strategies did you use to manage this project?

Jessica: It was supposed to take me a year to write this book, but the first strategy I tried did not work at all. I asked the publisher in a meeting if I could get extra time because I knew I was going to need it. I got a lot of blank stares.

My next strategy was one of my favorites: working backward. I plugged in everything I needed to do over the course of the year. I also know that I tend to hyperfocus, so I gave myself four weeks during that year to just not work on the book or the YouTube channel, so that I wouldn’t die. I was like, “I don’t know what will happen if I hyperfocus on a project for a full year, but I’m pretty sure it’s not healthy. So let me give myself breaks.”

I also built in accountability. I told my editor, “I need you to be looking at each chapter as we go.” So I met with her regularly, and that accountability helped a lot.

I was still a few months late on the final project. But I just stayed in communication with my editor, letting her know, “I’m going to be a little bit late on this,” or “I need more time to edit that.” And she was really good about working with me and also letting me know, “We can’t give you any more extensions. We need this to be done at this point.”

There was a lot of communication, accountability, and planning ahead. I’m still in shock that it got done.

[Read: Everyday ADHD — Quirky Productivity Hacks for Easily Bored Brains]

ADDitude: You have a whole chapter on hyperfocus. Can you tell us more about the breakthroughs and exhaustion that came from this common ADHD trait?

Jessica: There’s a lot in my life that I would not have accomplished if it were not for hyperfocus. I do see it as a potential strength. But it can also be a problem because we can neglect our needs. I try to set up my environment or my time in such a way that I can slip into hyperfocus and take advantage of that really deep flow, but at the same time, put guardrails around it so that I don’t do permanent damage to myself. We know that a lot of people with ADHD end up with chronic pain and fibromyalgia [due to] neglecting our self-care, and part of that is because of hyper focus.

ADDitude: You wrote in the book that, when you started creating your How to ADHD videos, your plan was to research the condition so you could learn how to overcome your own ADHD struggles and become the person you were supposed to be. But by the end of your book, you land in a really different place. Can you tell us about that journey?

Jessica: At first, I thought, I can still have all these neurotypical goals and have this neurotypical life and have a clean house and a clean car and keep in touch with friends. I just have to do it in a way that’s ADHD-friendly. I was willing to accept that if my brain works differently, I might have to do things differently. But I wasn’t yet willing to accept the limits of using tools and strategies. No matter how many tools you have, the challenges are still there.

I still don’t have a clean car. I finally realized I need a housekeeper. I came to a place of acceptance, and it helped.

How to ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: Your ADHD Dopamine Menu Template
• Read: Get More Done with a Body Double
• Read: 8 Rules of Wellbeing — An Aid Kit for Women with ADHD
• Read: “I Don’t Need to Be Fixed!” Epiphanies of Self-Acceptance from Adults with ADHD
• Find: ADHD Specialists and Clinics Near You

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Or I was.

I used to be late for practically everything. And take it from the Queen: Being late stinks. It’s a self-sabotaging act that gave me decades of anguish, hurt, and frustration. I knew the heartache of lateness like I knew the jewels on my crown. I’d have given anything not to wear that crown, to be a commoner who — gasp — gets to appointments a few minutes early.

Following is the story of how I changed my lifelong habit of lateness practically overnight. No, this is not a clickbait story. It’s the sharing of fundamental tools that us late and time-blind folk don’t realize are out there. It’s my “eureka” story.

Step One: Time Yourself

My lateness was “cured” in 2007 at the start of the recession. My job as a tech recruiter was on shaky ground, so I pivoted and started a cleaning and residential organizing company. My sweet cousin recommended my services to her friends, who hired me. With my company and reputation now connected to my friend and family circle, I had to avoid failure at all costs. Lateness threatened it all, which meant I had to find a solution.

How was the Queen of Lateness supposed to undo a lifelong habit? I started with the only thing I could think of — measuring time itself. Rather than assume how long it took me to do something, I actually tracked myself. If you’ve never done this, I can tell you the results will shock you. It shocked me to learn that grabbing coffee, putting on my jacket, walking to the car, setting up my GPS, and backing out of my driveway took 10 minutes, not zero minutes, which is the time I always allotted.

[Get This Free Download: Get There On Time, Every Time]

This is what got me to realize why time was such a mystery to me and other folks with ADHD. Though the clock is always ticking, we don’t often account for the little, almost automatic tasks — picking out an outfit, looking over notes before a meeting, making a quick lunch – that undoubtedly use up time. Ten minutes to get out of the house may sound like small peanuts, but when you add up all the other unaccounted-for tasks through your day, that time significantly adds up.

Time yourself and you’ll see that it takes longer than “half an hour” to go from waking up to getting out the door. Google Maps can give you a good estimate of how long it takes to get from Point A to Point B, but it can’t tell you how long it takes to park, pay the meter, walk to your destination, and get inside the building. Trust me on that one.

Step Two: Accept the Numbers

This discovery, which had been hiding in plain sight all this time, shattered my world of lateness and gave me the key to a world where punctuality was possible.

But there was one last door to unlock before I truly internalized punctuality. Though I now had proof of how long tasks really took, it somehow wasn’t enough to change my ways. I had to become willing to drop my prior assumptions and adjust to reality. I had to accept that most things will take longer than I think (or hope). I had to go from an expert bargainer with time to one who submits to it.

[Read: “Why Am I Terrible – and Oddly Inconsistent – with Time Estimation?”]

At first, I protested when my time estimations, freshly calibrated, told me it would take two hours to do something I assumed I could do in one hour. But that skepticism was replaced with joy when I did what time told me to – and I was early. I became the newly crowned Queen of Punctuality. Guess what this did for my reputation and my serenity? Guess what it did for my self-concept?

I’d love for you to see what this new life feels like. When you do, you will bow to me and thank me until the end of time, which is further away than you might think.

Be on Time: Next Steps

• Free Download: Keep Track of Your Time
• Read: How ADHD Warps Time Perception
• Read: On Time Blindness and My ADHD Brain

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

WEBINAR WITH JESSICA MCCABE
Register for ADDitude’s free webinar on February 13 with Jessica McCabe titled, “How to ADHD: An Insider’s Guide to Working with Your ADHD Brain (Not Against It!)”

ADHD brains have lower-than-average levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that regulates the body’s pleasure and reward systems. As a result, dopamine-increasing behaviors are even more gratifying to ADHD brains. However, many of our go-to behaviors (e.g., grabbing our phones for a ‘quick’ doom scroll, eating a cookie, playing a video game, etc.) aren’t always helpful.

“Unfortunately, the quick and easy sources of dopamine we tend to turn to often aren’t enough to satisfy that need. Or we hit the pleasure button on the same activity so many times, it stops being as fun,” says Jessica McCabe, the creator and host of How to ADHD, a popular YouTube series, and author of How to ADHD.

When dopamine is dipping, how can you resist the impulse to scroll it back up?  The solution is to separate the planning from the choosing with a dopamine menu or ‘dopamenu’ — a curated list of options that lightens the mental load of finding pleasurable, healthy activities to stimulate us when we need it most.

To design your own dopamine menu, brainstorm a list of activities that typically boost your mood without inducing a hangover of regret or RSD. Then, slot the items into the appropriate menu categories in using the dopamine menu template.

This downloadable template includes:

• Dopamine menu categories
• Category examples to get you started
• Tips for building a customizable dopamine menu
• And more!

Before I start my climb up the mountain, I stand at the base and squint up to the tippy top. If I can just make it up there by the end of the day, I’ll win. I say this every day, but I’ve almost never gotten to the top of that mountain. I’ve rarely won.

Why? Is it because I’m an amateur mountain climber? Are we talking El Capitan here? What’s the deal?

The deal is that my to-do lists — whether for today, this year, or my life — don’t always reflect what I can do or what I want to do. I would need five of me to clear off my typical daily to-do list. My to-do list for life reads more like what five different versions of me want for my life, not just the single living, breathing me.

Why My To-Do Lists Go Awry

Sometimes, I lack clarity on what I truly need or want to do — the world, after all, is a big mountain of endless options. Other times, I’m cognitively inflexible and can’t switch gears when life asks me to, so I miss out on the optimal trail. I’m left with a lengthier trek and a bigger mountain. Still other times it’s perfectionism that comes through, enabling my mountain to grow. Finally, my old friend Time Blindness comes for a visit (actually, she lives with me permanently, because that’s ADHD) and suddenly my current task stretches like the Appalachian Mountain range.

[Get This Free Download: Finish Your To-Do List TODAY]

It’s all so much fun.

Just kidding. It’s cold on my mountain, and lonely, especially when the trek involves fretting, scrambling, forgetting, rushing, and rarely arriving at satisfaction.

How to Shrink To-Do Mountains

So, what are my options? Am I destined to be stuck climbing interminable mountains forever?

I am not. I have the option to be a curator of my time, effort, and intentions.

[Read: The Power of a Well-Crafted To-Do List]

You’re thinking, “That’s easier said than done!”

Trust me, I get you. But I’ve found that noticing what’s going on in me in the moment is the first step to whittling down my mountain to the approachable, achievable, well-suited hill that makes my life happier and calmer.

Each day, when I wake up to face what appears to be Mt. Behemoth, I kick it with my toe to see if it’s real. I ask myself, “Steph, how much of what you insist you need to do today genuinely needs to be done?”

This is when the mountain raises a suspicious eyebrow because it knows that this question could lead to its shrinking. It’s a big clue that I’m at the juncture of owning my decisions or giving that power away. We each hold our position, but only one of us can be in charge. Who will it be? Me, or this mountain of tasks, goals, and dreams that nobody, even in an alternate universe, could ever accomplish in a reasonable amount of time?

“Since I’m writing a story with a happy ending here, it’s going to be me. But, full disclosure, the mountain sometimes gets the best of me. However, I’ve gotten so much better over time at calling the shots.”

The first trick is to say, “This thing doesn’t need to get done today.” The second trick is to believe this deep to your core. When you reach advanced-level mountain shrinking, you’ll learn that some tasks can simply be chucked off the mountain.

This is because there are channels of prioritization. One channel is for things that need to get done — the when, where, and how. The other channel is for things that need to get punted from our self-expectation mountain. When these channels become murky, climbing our mountain is no walk in the park.

But what is a lovely walk in the park? It’s the serenity that comes when I narrow down my daily priorities to a list that my earlier self would have laughed at. “Are you kidding? That’s a tiny list!” she’d have said. Old me would have fretted through her day and sulked at only being able to cross off, say, three things. Present me, though, feels empowered for crossing off the same number of items.

What I’ve noticed about adjusting to tinier, more doable plans is that as I accomplish what I set out to do and rack up the wins, I’ve grown a palpable confidence that says, “You can realize your dreams.” It’s hill-sized goals that lead us to mountains of accomplishment and happiness.

To-Do Lists Overwhelm: Next Steps

• Free Download: The Eisenhower Matrix for ADHD Decision-Making
• Read: Why ADD To-Do Lists Backfire or Languish
• Read: The Ta-Da List Is the Antidote to To-Do List Shame

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

“Most of us don’t spend hours scrolling through social media because we think it’s a good use of our time; we do it because we are looking for the stimulation we need to function,” says Jessica McCabe, the creator and host of How to ADHD, a popular YouTube series, and author of the new book How to ADHD (#CommissionsEarned). “Unfortunately, the quick and easy sources of dopamine we tend to turn to often aren’t enough to satisfy that need. Or we hit the pleasure button on the same activity so many times, it stops being as fun.”

ADHD brains have lower-than-average levels of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that regulates the body’s pleasure and reward systems. As a result, dopamine-increasing behaviors are even more gratifying to ADHD brains.

“Concerns about time or consequences are dwarfed by the pursuit of pleasurable reinforcement,” explains Ellen Littman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist. “These dopamine-deficient brains experience a surge of motivation after a high-stimulation behavior triggers a release of dopamine, but in the aftermath of that surge and reward, they return to baseline levels with an immediate drop in motivation.”

As this cycle continues, individuals with ADHD can spend hours doing an activity they don’t really enjoy.

[Get This Free Dopamine Menu Template]

This is like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in it, says Eric Tivers, LCSW, ADHD coach, CEO, and founder of ADHD reWired.

“Water comes into the bucket as fast as it goes out,” says Tivers, who discussed the dopamine drive of ADHD brains with McCabe in the How To ADHD video, “How to Give Your Brain the Stimulation It Needs.”

When dopamine is dipping, how can you resist the impulse to scroll it back up? “Just like it’s hard to make really good food choices when you are already hungry, it’s really hard to make good dopamine choices when you’re already low on dopamine,” McCabe says. “A person with ADHD has to figure out what those choices are, weigh them, figure out the steps involved, then initiate them, and, because the more satisfying dopamine choices usually take longer to set up, they have to tolerate the distress of being bored in the meantime.”

The solution, Tivers says, is to separate the planning from the choosing with a dopamine menu or ‘dopamine’ — a curated list of options that lightens the mental load of finding pleasurable, healthy activities to stimulate us when we need it most.

[Self-Test: Do I Have ADHD? ADD Symptoms in Adults]

McCabe suggests structuring your dopamenu with courses like a restaurant menu. Instead of ordering food, you select healthy, energizing activities from your menu, which is not

• a to-do list
• a cure for ADHD or burnout
• an alternative to medication or therapy

How to Build a Dopamine Menu

1. Design Your Dopamenu

First, brainstorm activities that typically boost your mood without inducing a hangover of regret or RSD. Then, slot the items into the appropriate menu categories (see below). If you’re stuck for ideas, check out the suggestions from McCabe and ADDitude readers.

Appetizers or starters. McCabe defines these as quick activities that don’t suck you in but still provide a burst of dopamine, such as

• one minute of jumping jacks
• drinking a cup of coffee
• listening to a favorite song
• eating a snack
• doing a few stretches or yoga poses
• taking a warm shower
• working on a crossword puzzle

“The bird feeder attached to our window is a surprising appetizer. There’s enough variety of birds in our yard that come at random intervals to give me a tiny burst of excitement, especially when my husband and kids are home because hearing their excitement is also a boost.” — Ariana

“Hugging my dog.” — An ADDitude reader

“A 30-second cold water blast at the end of my shower every morning gives me a quick boost.” — Bex

“Singing along to a song with familiar lyrics gives me an extra dopamine hit and occupies the part of my brain that isn’t focused on the task in front of me.” — Amanda

Entrées or main courses are more time-consuming activities. “These activities excite me and make me feel alive,” McCabe says. Potential entrée ideas are:

• playing an instrument
• filming a TikTok video
• walking the dog
• exercising
• journaling
• cooking or baking
• working on a hobby (e.g., needlepoint, crochet, coin collecting, etc.)

“My entrées are going for a brisk walk, listening to fast-paced music, and having an engaging conversation with friends.” — Amanda

“Puzzles. If I have the time and space, working on a jigsaw puzzle helps get my dopamine flowing.” — Sarah

“Taking a quick nap.” — Bethany

Sides are things you can do simultaneously to make boring tasks more stimulating, like

• listening to white noise
• playing a podcast
• using a fidget
• making a task more challenging, i.e., turning an activity into a game by setting a timer to see how fast you can accomplish a job
• enlisting a body doubling

“I love different ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) videos. If I need to be on the computer for a while, I’ll play one in the background.”— Elizabeth

“I have a few specific playlists (Happy Music, Good Energy, Latin American, etc.) that I reach for when I need to cook, shower, or do a task that is hard for me. I put in my headphones or turn up the volume on my speakers, and usually, the energy comes sneaking in as soon as I begin to smile, sing along, and feel like dancing.” — Michelle

“I prefer to listen to audiobooks that are interesting enough to keep my attention but don’t require so much focus that if I miss a sentence or two, I’ve lost the thread. Cozy mysteries fit the bill, especially a series where I am already familiar with most of the characters. I can listen while doing all sorts of normally un-fun stuff.” — An ADDitude reader

“I’ve found that mildly upbeat instrumental music not only puts me in a good mood but also creates a soundtrack for whatever I’m working on and a good pace for getting things done. It’s very reinforcing!” — Seth

Desserts often include activities that are easy to overdo, in part because they are easily accessible and provide a quick hit of dopamine. “It’s fine to eat dessert sometimes,” McCabe says. “It’s just good to be aware of when that’s what we are ordering because if that’s all we are eating, we’re probably not going to feel great.”

Examples of ‘desserts’ include:

• scrolling through social media
• texting
• spending time with someone who’s not really present
• watching TV
• playing video games by yourself

“Playing Candy Crush!” — Bethany

“Watching Reality TV shows.” — An ADDitude reader

“The New York Times game app.” — An ADDitude reader

Specials. McCabe also recommends creating a separate menu for ‘specials,’ that includes occasional, bucket-filling activities that may be less convenient, more expensive, or require planning. Items in this category may include:

• attending a concert
• taking a vacation
• going out to dinner
• seeing a play or comedy show
• visiting a nail salon
• getting a massage

2. Streamline Your Options

After completing your list of menu options, omit any that aren’t realistic for ADHD brains. “Whatever is on your menu should be something you’d actually ‘order’ and something you can actually ‘make,’” McCabe says. “Restaurants always take stuff off their menus; so can we.”

3. Prep Your Ingredients

“Restaurants prepare everything they reasonably can ahead of time, and we can do the same,” McCabe says. Prepping a menu idea makes it easier to accomplish. For example, McCabe puts her guitar on a stand near the couch so it’s visible and easily accessible. After watching TV at night, she switches to a YouTube workout video, so it’s the first thing she sees when turning on the TV in the morning.

4. Implement Barriers

McCabe encourages enforcing barriers to less healthy activities. The idea, she says, is to increase the number of steps involved in doing the things you want to avoid and to decrease the number of steps involved in completing your Dopamenu items. For example, McCabe put her phone charger away from her couch and deleted a social media platform from her phone. Before she can grab a snack, she must roll a D20 die and do whatever exercise matches the number from a list she keeps.

5. Play with Dopamenu Marketing

Most menus include enticing descriptions to get you to order, so should a dopamine menu. “You can make your dopamine menu pretty or funny,” McCabe says.

Make the final version visible and accessible. McCabe posts her dopamine menu on her coffee table, refrigerator, and office wall. Her phone’s lock screen displays a mini version. “Now, when I pick up my phone, I can see my other options,” she says.

Dopamine Menu Troubleshooting

If you get stumped when it’s time to ‘order,’ consider using a random choice generator website. You type in your options, and it selects one for you.

Using a dopamine menu doesn’t mean suddenly transforming your habits. “There’s something to be said about the familiarity, especially when we’re going through a crisis,” McCabe says. “But by preparing a menu in advance, we’ll have more options available when we need them.”

Struggling to develop dopamenu options could point to a more serious issue. “If you don’t know what you like anymore, then it’s time to see a doctor because the issue could be depression,” Tivers says.

Your Feelings Are Valid: Next Steps

• Read: 7 Self-Defeating Behaviors That Aggravate ADHD – and How to Fix Them
• Learn: The Dope on Dopamine Fasting: Expert Answers to Your Digital Detox Questions
• Read: Wasting Time on Social Media? 6 Ways to Stop ADHD Brains from Doom Scrolling
• Download: Get Control of Your Life and Schedule

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

The sink is overflowing with dishes. You know you need to wash them, but the thought alone is overwhelming. Another day goes by, dishes piling higher.

You remember you have a bill to pay. You try to sign in to your account, but you’ve forgotten your password. While you wait for the password reset email, you get sidetracked. Before you know it, that initial bill is forgotten.

This is ADHD – or, more accurately, executive dysfunction – in action. The brain processes humming in the background (i.e., executive functions) that are supposed to help you organize, plan, and execute simply aren’t reliable. Following through, as a result, is a core issue for you, even when you know what you’re supposed to do.

The biggest trap many of us fall into is believing we can “build” executive function or “train away” deficits. This is actually not the most effective way to help those of us with ADHD reliably and consistently do what we need to do. Here, learn why — and what to do instead.

[Take Our Executive Dysfunction Self-Test]

The Hard Truth About ADHD Executive Dysfunction

ADHD might as well be called Executive Function Deficit Disorder. It is fundamentally a disorder that impacts how we use the brain processes that help us perform day-to-day functions and work toward short- and long-term goals.

It’s not that individuals with ADHD necessarily have fewer or less effective executive functions. The problem is that executive functioning is applied inconsistently. We see this when we’re able to hyperfocus on tasks we find interesting yet find it downright painful to focus on what we find boring.

ADHD is a deficit in reliably converting intentions into actions. Your batting average on doing the right thing at the right time is a bit lower than the batting average of most people without ADHD. The question is, how can you improve your stats?

Building a library of executive function skills is not the answer. That’s because you already know how to use a planner to keep organized. You know that reminders are helpful for forgetfulness and time management. You know you should keep a to-do list. You know that you need to eliminate distractions to focus. The problem is with putting these skills to action.

[Read: The Adult ADHD Mind – Executive Function Connections]

Success comes from creating systems and backstops to support existing executive functions and take the strain off them. It’s about setting yourself up – with honesty, self-awareness, and intention – so that you can more reliably coordinate your abilities to make the better choice an easier one.

Strategies to Support Executive Functioning and Achieve Consistency

Externalize, Delegate, and Automate

Take the load off your executive functions by outsourcing the work to reliable tools.

• Externalize to-dos with intention. Whether it’s sticky notes on the bathroom mirror, planners, white boards, voice notes, texts to self, smart speakers, location-based reminders, or recurring alarms on your phone, find a way to dump it all out of your head so you don’t have to internally manage information.
• Set up automatic payments and purchases as necessary.
• Use AirTags and other trackers on your belongings. (Keep losing your keys? Consider installing a keypad or an electronic lock.)
• Use password managers to save logins for various accounts.
• Place clocks everywhere. Digital clocks are okay, but analog clocks may help you be more aware of the passage of time.

Your Environment Matters

Seek environments that allow you to perform at your best. Ask yourself: Where do I seriously do my best work? What keeps me on track?

Be as detailed and honest as possible in your answers, and don’t assume conventional approaches are best. Perhaps your productivity spikes when you work out of a bustling coffee shop. Or maybe it’s total silence you need, found at a corner of your office building or local library. Or you may be unusually productive while taking public transportation. Perhaps it’s variety you need if staying in one spot for too long becomes boring.

A note on clutter: A disorganized environment won’t do you any favors, but it may not be worth worrying about aesthetics if you’re still able to function and get things done in a full space.

Match Tasks to Brainpower

Our energy levels and ability to focus change through the day, so plan your most cognitively demanding tasks for when you have the most brain power. That may mean after a workout, in the morning before other tasks pile up, or in the evening once the day’s responsibilities are behind you. Plan to tackle demanding tasks when your ADHD medication is most effective, not when it’s wearing off.

Cut Down on “Noise” and Friction

Temptations and distractions compete for our attention 24/7. Our executive functions help keep us on track, but why make that harder than it has to be?

• Take willpower out of the equation. Why spend lots of energy resisting your phone when it would be much easier to silence notifications, install an Internet blocker, or keep the phone in another room?
• Think signal-to-noise ratio. Our attention is directed to what is big, loud, and obvious. Consider this as you boost the signal of desired tasks – where you want your attention to go – and reduce the noise of distractions.
• Would you bet $1,000 on it? Too often, we’re overly optimistic about our ability to handle distractions and muster the discipline to get things done. Cut through the false optimism by increasing what’s at stake: Would you bet money that you’ll be able to stay focused with your phone around? That you’ll be able to leave on time without setting (and honoring) reminders? What would it take for you to confidently make that bet?

Speed Up Consequences

We’re more likely to put off doing the things we need to do when the payoffs and consequences are vague, potentially avoidable, or too far off. It’s why we end up working on large and important school or work projects at the last possible minute, when consequences for failing to turn in work are front and center.

• Make potential regret come faster. Create artificial consequences that are immediate, certain, and specific enough to spur yourself into action. Take the initiative to schedule weekly check-ins with your boss to review progress on a large project. Externalize accountability by telling a friend about what you intend to do and by when.
• Create artificial circumstances. Set up a rule at home, for example, that phones can only be used after homework is completed.

Reduce Stress and Chaos

Chaos begets chaos. More things are likely to fall through the cracks with a disorganized, chaotic life. Trying to juggle it all and scrape by further burdens your executive functions. Reduce the chaos in your life by finding order wherever you can — with routines and healthy habits — to take the pressure off sensitive brain functions that are better used on cognitively demanding tasks. Intentionally build in breathing room to your daily schedule, especially during tricky transitions.

We can all agree that exercise, sleep, healthy eating, and mindfulness benefit cognitive and emotional processes, so don’t neglect these areas. Medication helps people with ADHD do what they know, so take medication as indicated.

Maintain Motivation by Enjoying the Journey

The central question that will follow you throughout your life as you manage ADHD is, “How will I do the things I know I want to do?” The answer lies in continuing to set up good processes that will help you experience more desired outcomes than negative ones. The more success and productivity you experience in managing ADHD’s impact on your life, the healthier your self-esteem will be.

• Make processes enjoyable. The benefits of making better choices — like reviewing your notes every day, dedicating time to keep your spaces organized, filing important documents, going to sleep on time, and attending to other responsibilities — often arrive far too gradually to fuel motivation. To the extent that you can, find ways to make these processes and routines fun and easy. Reward yourself along the way for putting one foot in front of the other.
• Don’t do it for anyone else. The processes you create are for your benefit only, not for anyone else’s seal of approval. The more you remember this, the easier it will be to seek changes that improve your life, without looking to the opinions of others as motivators.
• Always credit yourself for taking positive actions. Given how much criticism and correction those of us with ADHD receive, take pride whenever you make the right choices that set you up for success (or get you closer to it). Never sell yourself short, and don’t worry about achieving perfection.
• Setbacks are inevitable. Don’t beat yourself up or catastrophize when they happen. Handle them resiliently by refusing to surrender.

ADHD Executive Dysfunction: Next Steps

• Read: What Is Executive Function? 7 Deficits Tied to ADHD
• Read: Your Executive Functions Are Weak. Here’s Why.
• Read: Intention Deficit Disorder — Why ADHD Minds Struggle to Meet Goals with Action

The content for this article was derived from the ADDitude ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Executive Function Strategies to Externalize Time, Memory, Motivation” [Video Replay & Podcast #479] with Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., MBA, which was broadcast on November 9, 2023.

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Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

But the truth is, even as a free spirit, I knew that I desperately needed some semblance of order to function. It was a hard pill to swallow; routines promise productivity and stability, and I knew that not following any routines triggered my anxiety and other quirks.

So, armed with advice from books and blogs, I was sure I’d come up with the secret formula to get into a routine: It was all or nothing.

Trying – and Failing – to Get the Perfect Routine

The so-called perfect morning routine described in many self-help books usually involves waking up at the crack of dawn, meditating like a Zen master, jogging like Usain Bolt, and whipping up a wholesome breakfast.

Easy peasy to implement, right? Not really. My mornings looked more like live-action cartoons. I would set multiple alarms to wake up, but I also was a gold medalist in hitting the snooze button.

[Get This Free Download: The Daily Routine that Works for Adults with ADHD]

Every time I tried to meditate, the DJ in my mind would come on and play random songs from the ’00s. And jogging? More like a speedy walk… to the coffee maker. Often, my first meal of the day was dinner.

It goes without saying that I failed miserably to follow all parts of this “perfect” routine. I was harsh on myself for failing. Then again, I suspected that I would quickly become bored and restless with any schedule I managed to keep. There was no winning; I thought I was destined to never have a routine.

How I Finally Got Into a Routine

In my defense, I had no idea that I had ADHD at the time. The materials I consulted then on crafting routines were written for the normal folks (i.e., neurotypical people). As I learned more about the reasons behind my exasperating (and sometimes hilarious) relationship with routines, my mission shifted.

I realized that a lot of it came down to actually scheduling spontaneity. I now set timers for focused work periods and I schedule short breaks in between to let my mind wander. These breaks often lead to new and exciting ideas. I also use apps like Structured, Toggl, and iOS Focus to help me gradually transition to and from focus mode and free time.

[Read: “What Is Your Most Reliable, Helpful Daily Routine?”]

Loosening my black-and-white mentality around doing things the right way also helped me skip the snooze button, which had been my kryptonite for years. No matter how many alarms I set, my tired ADHD brain would plead, “Just five more minutes!”

A gentle wake-up routine was the answer. I completely replaced the old blaring alarms with sunlight. Yes, you read that right – I gave up on conventional alarms. And no, I’m not waking up late. The outcome is just the opposite. I used to struggle to get up at 8 a.m. with an alarm. Now, I wake up at 6 a.m., without an alarm, feeling fully rested and alert.

The battle between routine and spontaneity, I learned, doesn’t have to be a battle at all. My need for structure and love for the unexpected can coexist – it never had to be one or the other. Achieving order, I also know now, is only possible on my terms, not anyone else’s.

How to Get Into a Routine: Next Steps

• Read: “Will a Daily Routine Keep Me from Feeling Overwhelmed?”
• Read: Your Evening Routine Is Broken
• Read: How to Get Out of Bed in the Morning

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Hope is the belief that our future can be better than our past—and that we have a role to play in making that future a reality. Hope is grounded in three simple elements: goal setting, pathways thinking, and willpower. It is important to recognize that, because hope is a cognitive process and not an emotion, it is a strength that can be taught.

Hope is based on a robust body of evidence and is recognized as one of the most important factors promoting well-being for children, adults, and families. Hope is important for children, youth, adults, families, schools, social service programs, neighborhoods, and communities. More than 2,000 published research studies demonstrate that hope is one of the strongest predictors of well-being.

Goals are the cornerstone of our ability to hope. Goals can be short-term or long-term but must be desired enough to motivate action to pursue these goals. The nature of the goals (achievement vs. avoidant) drives the desired pathways that we identify to pursue our goals. One important aspect of person-centered goal setting is helping the individual or group understand that goal attainment is possible.

Pathways are the strategies we identify that will lead to goal achievement. Pathways thinking is akin to finding the roadmap to the future (how we get from here to there). Pathways thinking includes the ability to identify or foresee potential barriers and begin problem-solving strategies to either overcome the barriers or identify alternative pathways toward our goals.

Willpower (agency) is the capacity to focus our attention and intention on goal pursuits. When willpower is higher, we are more likely to have the capacity to self-regulate our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions along the way.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• About the science of hope, and how its core components of goals, pathways, and willpower can be used to nurture hope, achieve goals, and regulate emotions
• How hope influences positive outcomes. It is one of the strongest predictors of well-being for children, adults, and families
• About simple strategies you can use today to nurture hope, feel more positive, and create a belief that your future will be better than your past

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the  symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Google Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO.

A Hopeful New Year: More Resources

• Free Download: Your January 2024 Calendar of Small Goals That Add Up
• Get: The Free Healthy Habits Handbook from ADDitude
• Read: 4 Ways to Make New Behaviors Stick
• Read: The Antidote to ADHD Fatigue and Exhaustion? Stacking Habits (and Spoons)

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on January 10, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Chan M. Hellman is a professor at the University of Oklahoma and Director of The Hope Research Center and has published over 100 research studies. Chan has presented his work on hope with TEDx and has provided invited talks in Europe, the United Kingdom, and the Middle East. His research is focused on hope as a psychological strength helping children and adults overcome trauma and adversity. This research informed the development of the “Hope Centered and Trauma Informed®” curriculum used to promote Hope Centered Organizations. Chan is also the co-author of the award-winning book Hope Rising: How the Science of Hope Can Change Your Life published by Morgan James. (#CommissionsEarned)

Read more here.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Listener Testimonials

“Love how logical and science-based today’s speaker was. Quantitative for the win!”

“This presentation on hope was less touchy-feely and much more relevant than I had expected. I am very glad I tuned in!”

“Dr. Hellman’s presentation was so insightful and clear, and I am feeling tremendously inspired by his work. I already have so many ideas about how I can integrate his approach into my practice as a therapist who helps adults with ADHD.”

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
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The “Just Do It” strategy doesn’t work for people who have ADHD. If it did, we’d already have done it! We know what we need to do, but we don’t know how to start doing it. While traditional tips and tricks might spark initial excitement, they may not help us overcome ADHD-induced imposter syndrome, overwhelm, procrastination tendencies, and more.

In this webinar, we’ll step off the conventional playing field to explore strategies that align better with the unique wiring of our ADHD brain. We’ll swap out the one-size-fits-all approach for strategies that resonate with who you already are. You already have successful systems in place, you just don’t know it yet! Transforming how you manage overwhelm and get things done in the New Year is about finding your rhythm and playing to your strengths, rather than conforming to neurotypical game plans that don’t suit you.

In this webinar, you will learn:

• Why the typical approaches to getting things done often don’t work with ADHD brains
• Strategies that are more like custom plays designed for your unique mental game
• How to recognize and use your strengths and the systems you already have in place
• How to build confidence by learning to trust your own intuition and your role as the best expert in your life

Watch the Video Replay

Enter your email address in the box above labeled “Video Replay + Slide Access” to watch the video replay (closed captions available) and download the slide presentation.

Download or Stream the Podcast Audio

Click the play button below to listen to this episode directly in your browser, click the  symbol to download to listen later, or open in your podcasts app: Apple Podcasts; Google Podcasts; Audacy; Spotify; Amazon Music; iHeartRADIO.

New Year, New Habits: More Resources

• Free Download: Your January 2024 Calendar of Small Goals That Add Up
• Get: The Free Healthy Habits Handbook from ADDitude
• Read: How to Finally Overcome Procrastination (and Get Things Done in 2024)
• Read: 4 Ways to Make New Behaviors Stick
• Read: The Antidote to ADHD Fatigue and Exhaustion? Stacking Habits (and Spoons

Obtain a Certificate of Attendance

If you attended the live webinar on January 4, 2024, watched the video replay, or listened to the podcast, you may purchase a certificate of attendance option (cost: $10). Note: ADDitude does not offer CEU credits. Click here to purchase the certificate of attendance option »

Meet the Expert Speaker

Tracy Otsuka is a certified ADHD coach, attorney, and author of the new book ADHD for Smart Ass Women (#CommissionsEarned) with HarperCollins William Morrow. Over the years, she has empowered thousands of clients (from doctors and therapists to C-suite executives and entrepreneurs) to see their neurodivergence as a strength – not a weakness.

Tracy’s expertise and experience as an adult living with ADHD are regularly sought out by top-tier media companies including Inc., Forbes, HealthCentral, and The Goal Digger Podcast. When she’s not sharing her thought leadership around ADHD on other platforms, she hosts her own podcast which ranks #1 in its category and has more than 5.5 million downloads across 160 countries. She also moderates an ADHD Facebook group with 100,000 members. Tracy lives with her husband, two kids, two dogs, and seven chickens in Sonoma County outside of San Francisco.

#CommissionsEarned As an Amazon Associate, ADDitude earns a commission from qualifying purchases made by ADDitude readers on the affiliate links we share. However, all products linked in the ADDitude Store have been independently selected by our editors and/or recommended by our readers. Prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.

Listener Testimonials

“Tracy really spoke about the challenges of ADHD in a way that felt encouraging and relevant to my life.”

“Tracy’s an amazing presenter and made this session so fun. Great energy and spirit, not to mention great tips and relatable content!”

“One of the most useful, immediately practicable, and compassionate webinars I’ve ever attended. Clicked ‘buy now’ on the book before it even ended.”

Follow ADDitude’s full ADHD Experts Podcast in your podcasts app:
Apple Podcasts | Google Podcasts | Spotify | Google Play | Amazon Music | RadioPublic | Pocket Casts | iHeartRADIO | Audacy

Adults with ADHD stand to benefit uniquely from ChatGPT as an executive function tool. For one, it’s a helpful resource for overcoming procrastination. Anna, a reader from New Zealand, said she uses AI “to get a first draft done of some writing. It needed a lot of improvement, but it was great for getting me over that first hurdle.”

Lena, a reader from Florida who has autism and ADHD, celebrates AI for its ability to help neurodivergent people with communication skills. “Having the scripts to be able to communicate effectively is so important. ChatGPT can help us hash things out so that we feel more prepared, comfortable, and confident in communicating with others.”

AI chatbots can also help adults with ADHD stay organized and productive. Ask it to:

• Create an easy dinner recipe from a list of ingredients you have in your kitchen
• Draft an email response to your colleague with a professional or friendly tone
• Summarize the notes you took during a work meeting or class discussion
• Develop a customized weekly schedule based on your family’s commitments

[eBook: Getting Things Done with Adult ADHD]

Tread lightly; AI makes mistakes and sometimes shares false information. Still, the ability to hand off or get assistance with a wide range of daily responsibilities can save you time, money, and stress. Check out the ways ADDitude readers are using AI chatbots at work and at home, below. Remember to be specific and add plenty of context in your own prompts, and try rephrasing if the chatbot doesn’t understand your question.

How to Use ChatGPT, According to ADDitude Readers

“As a teacher, I used ChatGPT for suggestions on what to say on report cards.” — Natalie, Indiana

“I’ve used ChatGPT to help translate medical test results to plain English.” — An ADDitude reader

“I’ve asked it to give me an activity schedule for our kid’s summer break with places to visit in our area.” — Jean, California

“I had [AI] help me write a stressful work email so I didn’t have to fight as hard to find the ‘right’ words. I also had it help with rewording some overly complicated paragraphs to make a report more streamlined.” — Tina, Massachusetts

[Read: How to Take Better Notes in Meetings]

“I searched for how to say something in ‘teen language.’” — Jennifer, Colorado

“I used HeyPI to help calm me down and found it very helpful.” — Karen, South Africa

“AI tools have helped make my writing more concise. I’ve also used AI to get me started on letters of recommendation and as a tool to break down larger tasks into smaller ones. Goblin Tools is amazing for this.” — Paul, New York

“When I developed my website, I wanted to use terminology that would attract potential clients. ChatGPT was helpful in giving me a draft starting point.” — Katrina, Washington, D.C.

“I’ve only used it to write weird stories about topics like: ‘What do you think a dolphin would have to say about humanity?’” — Eileen, Pennsylvania

“I used it to help write my resume. Best resume in 25 years. [AI makes it] easy to cater to the job posting and produces simple, straightforward text rather than ADHD brain ramble. I can’t wait to learn more!” — A., Canada

“[I use it] to talk to someone and not have to worry about saying something wrong.” — Derek, Canada

“I do not have ADHD but my husband does, and he uses ChatGPT frequently in his work as a product designer. He showed me how to use it, and I immediately grasped how enormously helpful it could be for our 15-year-old daughter with ADHD who has a lot of trouble starting assignments. She uses the chatbot to ‘talk it out’ — as if it were her tutor — and then has no problem editing the results into something uniquely hers. After showing her how it works and seeing how she uses her judgment to filter the results, I have no problem with her using it as a tool and feel that it could be an incredible help for kids with ADHD.” — An ADDitude reader

“My brain is very strong on visual processing, but I live and work in a world where language is the primary tool of communication. Therefore, I use ChatGPT to generate language output suggestions in order to speed up some of my mandatory tasks. In professional contexts, this includes summaries of meeting notes or phrasing parts of articles and blog posts. At this point in time, my prompt engineering skills — in combination with the workings of ChatGPT — only generate limited valuable output, but I expect this to improve over time.” — Lene Marie, U.K.

Executive Functions Tools for ADHD Brains: Next Steps

• Download: The Eisenhower Matrix for ADHD Decision-Making
• Watch: Strategies to Externalize Time, Memory, Motivation
• Read: Quirky Productivity Hacks to Conquer Boredom

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

It drove me bananas.

Why was it there? I knew it was thanks to my husband, but why was he doing this? It was different than the way he usually left his things. This was intentional, and that bugged me even more. I thought, “He’s standing there stacking this thing for the niftiness of it, probably admiring it for some physics or mathematical property and walking away without a care for how the house looks.”

Grrrr.

I unstacked the bottles and put them back in their little nook.

The next day, the stack returned.

This seesaw continued — him stacking, me unstacking.

I should mention that my husband and I both have ADHD. He’s brilliant, unruffled, and messy. I’m creative, a worrier, and organized. We make a great team.

[Read: “The 3 Vital Keys to Our Happy ADHD Marriage”]

But the combination sometimes presents its challenges, as with the enigma of the tower of bottles in the kitchen. What’s more, even after our diagnoses (mine came well after his), I still spent so many years in the dark about ADHD and how we each manage it. That all started to change for me when I decided to become an ADHD coach.

An Annoying Habit? Or Creative Problem-Solving at Work?

In the midst of our stacking and unstacking, I happened to be in coaching training and learning about “externalizing” as a strategy for managing ADHD issues with memory and forgetfulness. Externalizing has many forms — paper and digital planners, buzzers, alarms, vibrating watches, timers, visual cueing — you name it, it’s out there.

I marveled at these tools and admired those with ADHD who sought out these strategies, experimented with them, and incorporated them into their lives.

So there I was, admiring folks who used cues, while at the same time, over in my kitchen, getting peeved about The Stack, and unstacking it.

[Read: “My Keys Were in the Fridge!” ADHD Stories of Wildly Misplaced Items]

Until one day it hit me.

Wait a second. Is this—? Could it be—?

I went downstairs when I heard my husband making dinner.

“Honey,” I asked with curiosity for once, “why do you stack those pill bottles? I never really asked you.” He shrugged with a simple matter-of-factness.

“It’s a way to remember to take my pills. I’d been forgetting. If they are stacked, it tells me I haven’t taken them yet.”

I closed my eyes. It was stunning to see how easy it was for me to assume and not delve further. Truthfully, it never occurred to me there might be anything else to understand about my husband’s bottle stacking. Yet there I was, blind to something so remarkable.

Talk about humbling. Talk about how celebratory I suddenly felt, too, about living with ADHD.

ADHD Brains Are Solution-Oriented

There’s a creative current that runs through our ADHD self-management systems that we sometimes don’t see or acknowledge in ourselves. We come to the table with self-knowledge already in place, knowing through trial and error what has worked and what hasn’t, that we don’t often give ourselves credit for.

In the kitchen that day, when my husband revealed his own self-care solution, I was so proud of him. And I realized there is much yet for me to learn — about him, myself, and others with ADHD.

I’m so ready.

So if you see a tower of stacked vitamin and prescription bottles in the middle of my kitchen counter right now, please know that it is not due to madness or some passive aggressive stunt. It’s due to brilliant self-awareness.

Creative Problem-Solving and ADHD: Next Steps

• Free Download: Get Control of Your Life and Schedule
• Read: Quirky Productivity Hacks for Easily Bored Brains
• Read: “How Can I Remember to Take the ADHD Medication That Helps Me Remember Things?”

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.

Roberto Olivardia, Ph.D.

Clinical psychologist, lecturer in psychology, Department of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School

On how to stop procrastinating …

I use the “account-a-buddy” system to prevent procrastination. I text a friend or group of friends and let them know about a task I have to do, and ask them to suggest an album I can listen to on Spotify while doing it. It holds me accountable and I get to listen to an album new to me in the process!

On solving hurt feelings stemming from a difference of opinion …

I start by focusing on intentions. Oftentimes, the difference in opinion arises from how those intentions get communicated or executed. But if you open with — “We both want the same thing here. We are on the same team. But maybe we are each paying attention to a different coach telling us how to score the goal” — I find that it brings the focus back to what you have in common.

[Read: How ADHD Ignites Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria]

Ann Dolin, M.Ed.

On dealing with a child’s unwillingness to do homework …

A friend once told me, “If you think you might get into a power struggle with your child, then you already are in a power struggle.” Both of my kids have ADHD, and I make a real effort to avoid that daily homework drama to preserve our relationship.

Most of the resistance surrounding homework stems from the child not understanding the material. When this happened with my younger son, I would help him get started. Whenever he would get frustrated and start to argue, I would put the ball back in his court by saying, “I’ve noticed this assignment is really hard for you. I’ll be over here checking my work email. When you’re ready, come back to me.”

If you sit by your child and help them do each step of each assignment, it sets a bad precedent, and your child may become reliant on you. I didn’t set high expectations for homework. I just encouraged them to get it done and left the quality up to the teacher. If my younger son, who was often more resistant, would slap something down on his paper and say he was done, I would leave it at that. It just needs to be complete, and that’s how you avoid the constant power struggles. Maintaining a good relationship with your child is far more important than turning in perfect homework assignments.

[Read: Top 5 Homework Frustrations — and Fixes for Each]

Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, CST

On encouraging independence in teens and young adults …

An intervention I’ve used for many years to help parents manage young adults (YAs) has come in pretty darn handy in my own life in the last 10 years. My daughter just sat for her bar exam and my son is in his sophomore year of college, so I consider it effective, especially when you start in the almost-teen years.

Consider every act you are about to do for your child as either beneficent or enabling — and enact only the beneficent ones. Beneficence means to give in a way that brings about good. First, the act must really help the YA on the core task of development, which is moving toward independence and self-sufficiency. Second, the act must not harm the giver.

The opposite of beneficence is enabling, or solving a problem that the YA is capable of solving on their own. Enabling leads to increased dependency and limits creativity and problem-solving. It’s often tough to discern one from the other and then take only the beneficent path. I spend a lot of time with families figuring out in any given situation which is which.

Sharon Saline, Psy.D.

Clinical psychologist, and author

On time management …

Two time-management patterns especially challenge me: First, I often underestimate how long a task will take and then rush to get it done at the last minute. Second, I may overestimate how much time a task will take, feel overwhelmed by it, and procrastinate.

Over time, I’ve learned to manage my time better. I use alarms and notifications that give me ample warning when I need to transition and add an extra 10 minutes for unforeseen issues. I also cut my expectations regarding what I can accomplish in a day. Instead of attempting eight things, I’ll aim to do three, and return to my list if there is time left. I link certain tasks and projects to different days of the week based on urgency and importance. By working with due dates, I can allocate my time better.

Lastly, I am committed to practicing self-acceptance around this issue. If I’m running late, I own it, and let people know in advance as much as possible. Then, I consider what different choices I could have made to be punctual without shaming myself. All these techniques help me to figure out what is possible, be accountable for my actions, and leave room for improvement.

Evelyn Polk Green, M.Ed.

Immediate past president, Attention Deficit Disorder Association

On task management …

Organizing and initiating a task are my two biggest ADHD challenges, and that means that my house/desk/car are a mess. I’ve solved that by paying for things like a housekeeper and laundry service, using meal plan kits and food delivery services often, and paying a monthly fee for unlimited car washes and interior cleanings. I know not everyone can afford all of that, but I encourage folks to think about what not paying for those things costs them in the “ADHD tax,” and realize you’ll probably save enough to do at least some of this.

On taking ADHD in stride …

Despite being aware of my ADHD, and being an ADHD advocate for almost 30 years, I still experience many of the same challenges that other individuals with the disorder do. I have to say that I have learned to take it in stride and even laugh (once I’m done being angry/frustrated/unhappy with myself because of whatever ADHD mess I’ve gotten myself into). That is actually one of my most important coping skills: acknowledging that I’m going to mess up, not beating myself up (too much) when it happens, finding something funny about the situation, and then moving on.

How To Stop Procrastinating & Time Management Tips: Next Steps

• Read: The Procrastinator’s Guide to Getting Things Done
• Download: 19 Ways to Meet Deadlines and Get Things Done
• Read: Stop. Procrastinating. Now.

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.