Relationships

“Is My Relationship Toxic?” A Quiz for Adults with ADHD

Answer these questions, designed for adults with ADHD, to determine if you are stuck in a toxic relationship.

By ADDitude Editors Verified Updated on August 19, 2024
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No one is immune to toxic relationships. Individuals with ADHD, however, may be especially vulnerable to experiencing emotional abuse in the form of gaslighting, love bombing, and other manipulation tactics in a relationship.

“Adults with ADHD may be more vulnerable to gaslighting due to issues with self-esteem, difficulty with past relationships, and feelings of guilt and shame,” writes Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and the author of Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse.

Gaslighting and other forms of emotional abuse, according to Sarkis, are pervasive and purposeful efforts (overt or covert) from an abuser to gain power and control over a victim. Emotional abuse is not to be confused with problems, like communication challenges, that can plague an otherwise healthy relationship.

Answer these questions to see if you may be in a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or texting “START” to 88788. Visit www.thehotline.org to chat with an expert advocate.

The questions in this resource were derived from ADDitude’s ADHD Experts webinar titled, “Gaslighting, Love Bombing & Beyond: How to Recognize (and End) Toxic Relationships with ADHD” [Video Replay & Podcast #410] with Stephanie Sarkis, Ph.D., which was broadcast on July 7, 2022.

My partner obsessively accuses me of engaging in a behavior in which they have engaged, like infidelity or hiding money.

My partner makes me question my intuition, perception, and/or sense of reality.

My partner tells me things like, “People think you’re crazy,” but then refuses to name names or provide details about who made the comments.

My partner weaponizes my ADHD against me. They make me feel like I can’t be trusted to manage my finances, friendships, and other major aspects of my life.

When I have tried to leave my partner, they bring me back by making promises around major deal breakers (e.g., wanting to have kids, going to therapy) and other areas of contention or disappointment in our relationship.

My partner never apologizes; they don’t take responsibility for their behaviors and seem to think that they’re incapable of making mistakes.

The relationship feels like an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes my partner makes me feel like I’m on Cloud Nine and that I can do no wrong. Other times, I feel worthless and like I can’t do anything right.

Since being with my partner, I have lost friendships and have become more isolated from family.

When I try to talk to my partner about our relationship problems, the conversation ends up focusing only on my faults.

When I try to talk to my partner about their behaviors, they blame me for being upset, as if I don’t have the right to my reactions.

My partner hasn’t reacted well when I’ve tried to set boundaries (e.g., raging anger, silent treatment that lasts for days).

My partner ridicules or ignores my wants and needs in our relationship.

My partner claims that my ADHD medication makes me “out of control,” “difficult,” or “crazy” even though I know my medication helps me manage symptoms.

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Toxic Relationship: Next Steps