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“When ADHD Overstimulation Meltdowns Happen, Give Us Grace – and Space”

“The problem with ADHD is that I not only have trouble paying attention, but I also have trouble shutting things out. I am constantly aware and reminded of every odd little thing around me. Like that one coworker who hits ‘reply all’ just to send a smiley emoji, my mind sends unnecessary alerts to let me know that my left shoe is just a little too loose, that my coworker is loudly eating an apple, that there’s a flickering light way across the room, and other status updates I could really do without.”

Caitlin Conroy
By Caitlin Conroy Updated on September 11, 2024
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I was 15 when I experienced my first overstimulation meltdown. I was at the mall with my family, fresh out of an argument with my dad over dental pain meds, and tired from the school day, none of which helped my mood.

The mall was chaos. It was December, so everything was decked out in bright lights and brighter colors. The same five cheesy songs played on full blast over the loudspeakers. The halls were packed with loud holiday shoppers who kept bumping into us (and us into them). My sweater, perfect for chilly weather, weighed down on me indoors while my winter coat over my arm made me even more warm and sweaty.

And then, in the middle of the food court that reeked of greasy food and fake pine fragrance, my 3-month-old twin brothers started screaming. Everyone nearby shot us dirty looks, my head hurt from the noise and the smell and the heat and —

I snapped.

“Will you SHUT THEM UP?!”

My dad and stepmom looked at me like I was the jerk, and not the victim.

“Is this about your mouth?” Dad asked. “I told you to ask for more meds.”

ADHD and Overstimulation: My Sensory Meltdowns

That sums up every experience I’ve had with overstimulation or sensory overload: I’m too tired or upset to regulate my emotions, I’m assaulted on all sides with stimuli, I can’t stop anything, and people around me act like I’m crazy when I can’t take it anymore.

[Get This Free Download: Am I a Highly Sensitive Person?]

From an outside perspective, it probably does look like I’m insane. I appear fine until I’m not, over something small, no less. Nobody likes crowded stores or sharing a busy office, but millions of people deal with the chaos without freaking out. Even if there’s too much going on, a bit of deep breathing and mindful realignment should calm me down, right?

Too bad that doesn’t help. The problem with ADHD is that I not only have trouble paying attention, but I also have trouble shutting things out. I am constantly aware and reminded of every odd little thing around me. Like that one coworker who hits “reply all” just to send a smiley emoji, my mind sends unnecessary alerts to let me know that my left shoe is just a little too loose, that my coworker is loudly eating an apple, that there’s a flickering light way across the room, and other status updates I could really do without.

It’s a feeling of being trapped. I can’t turn the world off, can’t stop thinking, and can’t stop feeling worse thinking about how I can’t stop. The more trapped I feel in my mind and body, the harder it is to communicate why I’m upset or how to fix it.

What a fun Catch-22.

This is partially why I really don’t want help solving the problem in the moment. If I’m overwhelmed, my responses are entirely reactionary. I don’t feel comforted by back rubs or someone asking if I’m OK, it only adds fuel to the fire.

[Read: Why You Feel Too Much (and How to Cope)]

What to Do When ADHD Overstimulation Strikes

I’ve learned that it’s better for others to approach me when I’m able to articulate my needs. Asking ahead, well before an overstimulation meltdown, is especially touching.

My best coping strategies were planned significantly far in advance for this exact reason. Demanding that everyone else stops isn’t exactly doable. But I’ve learned how to quietly and successfully remove myself from the situation or prevent overstimulation.

I have an extensive toolkit: noise-cancelling headphones, a mini fan, sunglasses, soft sweaters and jackets, quiet rooms, and a handful of other odds and ends. I must look strange to my coworkers, making dozens of adjustments to my area throughout the day. I’m relieved that my workplace allows me to self-accommodate like this.

This is why awareness matters. The next time you see someone snap over something small, or look increasingly uncomfortable with everything, assume that they’re overstimulated (and that ADHD may be in the picture). Perhaps that will stop you from loudly asking why someone is wearing sunglasses indoors or running for the nearest closet or empty room. Give us grace, and you’ll be able to work with the neurodivergent people in your life and make the world a more accommodating place for us. The steps are small, but the results are magnificent.

ADHD and Overstimulation: Next Steps

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