Q: “Should I Stop My ADHD Teen from Hanging Out with ‘Bad’ Friends?”
Worried about peer pressure and your teen’s ADHD impulsivity colliding? Concerned about your teen’s friendship circle and its behavior? Stay connected and avoid judgment when broaching these topics.
Q: “I’m concerned about the power of peer pressure, and that my teen son’s new friends will encourage him to engage in risky behavior. How should I talk about my worries without alienating him, and how do I bring him back if he crosses a line?”
Peer pressure is a formidable force, and teenage boys with ADHD will likely engage in some forms of risky behavior. Research shows that adolescents are more willing to lean into uncertainty than are adults. This tolerance for risk is part of your teen’s development — though, obviously, too great a tolerance could end in disaster.
It is our job, as parents, to allow our adolescents space to grow while reminding them of the serious, even lethal, consequences associated with some risks. Daredevil driving, substance use, and unprotected sex are a few of the risks that you should never tolerate or ignore.
[Get This Free Download: How to Evaluate Your Teen’s Emotional Control]
Teens are generally more influenced by their friends than by their parents, but family conversations will still likely affect their thinking and decision-making. Start by talking to your son about the risks that worry you most and why they keep you up at night. Make sure to focus your concerns on your son, rather than making the conversation about his friends.
If your teen feels that he needs to defend his friends, you risk turning the discussion into an argument. Staying emotionally balanced can also avoid disagreement or harsh words. Share your thoughts from a place of curiosity and concern for his best interests, rather than judgment.
Whenever the opportunity presents itself, take time to talk and connect with your son without being overbearing. Keeping the dialogue alive and positive can help remind him to avoid the more dangerous risks he will encounter. Of course, there’s no guarantee that your son won’t cross a line, such as experimenting with drugs, that impacts your relationship and trust.
If this happens, it’s up to you to start the process of healing and repairing your bond. A teen boy with ADHD is unlikely to apologize for his mistakes. It’s more likely that he’ll try to avoid responsibility or become oppositional. Preserving your relationship is critical if you’re going to help him manage the consequences of his risky behavior or try to prevent future transgressions. And that means more hard conversations. Before talking with him, plan out the conversation.
[Read: How to Heal a Strained Parent-Teenager Relationship]
- Decide how you’re going to approach your son to initiate the conversation. What is the best time and place for it? Will you be patient and compassionate or commanding yet caring?
- Get clear on your intentions. What are your objectives? What boundaries do you intend to set? What consequences will you enforce if he crosses them?
- Be sure to account for your potential triggers. How will you manage them if they arise so that you can respond in a healthy way, rather than react from negative emotions?
Above all, remember that your son is still growing and learning. He’s a teen, and teens mess up. But they’re also resilient and have a lot of years ahead of them. Their mistakes don’t have to ruin their lives, and, usually, they won’t.
Peer Pressure and ADHD Teens: Next Steps
- Read: When Your Teen Has Questionable Friends
- Free Download: Transform Your Teen’s Apathy Into Engagement
- Read: You Can’t Change Your Defiant Teenager…
Brendan Mahan, M.Ed., M.S., is the producer and host of the ADHD Essentials podcast.
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