Celebrating 25 Years

“The Expensive Lessons We’ve Learned About In-App Purchases”

By Lisa McKay
A teenage boy playing a video game on his tablet, surrounded by stylized dollar signs signifying in-app purchases. Image generated by AI.

Our descent down the rabbit hole of in-app purchasing started innocently enough. My youngest child, Luca, asked me to let him spend $1.99 of his pocket-money to buy coins in an iPad game.

“It takes forever to get these coins when you’re playing,” he said, showing me the game. “I can spend $1.99 and get 800 coins, but only if I do it now! It’s 90% off, but the deal only lasts for 58 more minutes! Please, Mom?”

“Luca,” I said. “When a game tells you something is 90% off, that’s just marketing designed to make you want to spend money.”

“It’s working,” Luca said earnestly. “I do want to spend my money. And it’s my money.”

I sighed.

Luca’s request had come a few days after my husband and I opened a debit account for him and his older brother, Max, for their 9th and 11th birthdays, respectively.

“We told you your savings was your money,” I said to Luca. “But we also said we weren’t going to let you spend it on just anything, remember?”

[Self-Test: Could Your Child Be Showing Signs of Gaming Addiction?]

“This is not just anything. It’s only $1.99 and I’ve been playing this game for weeks and this is the best deal I’ve ever seen. Ever.”

“OK,” I finally said. “This is a yes.”

I pressed my thumb on the sensor to authorize the purchase and a delighted Luca raced off to show Max, my ADHD-wired firstborn.

This, my friends, is when all the trouble really started.

The Big Business of In-App Purchases

Max quickly appeared to demand a similar purchase in a game. Eager to allow my boys to exercise their decision-making muscles, I said yes. So when the boys showed up repeatedly in the following days with additional purchase requests, I kept saying yes.

Two weeks later, both boys had spent more than $150. I was getting very worried. Though I tried to dissuade or delay them each time they came to me, their interest wasn’t waning, even as they burned through their savings. But while Luca’s spending eventually slowed, Max’s didn’t. If anything, he was picking up speed — requesting more expensive purchases, more frequently.

[Read: Why Screens Mesmerize Our Teens — and How to Break the Trance]

This was very out of character for Max, who had previously been resistant to spending any money — preferring instead to save it and plot about spending it on completely age-inappropriate things, like spear guns for fishing. After his first in-app purchase, it was shocking to see how quickly he transformed from miser to spendthrift.

When Max came to me for the second time in a single day requesting to spend another $26, I decided I wasn’t prepared to let him spend all his savings.

“I think we need a circuit breaker here — a pause,” I told Max. “I think that I should say ‘no’ to in-app purchases for the next week. What do you think?”

Unsurprisingly, Max did not think we needed a circuit breaker.

We settled on this: Max still had the choice to go through with this particular purchase (which he did) and then we would have a 10-day “no purchases” circuit-breaker.

That original circuit-breaker temporarily slowed things down, but it did not completely quell his willingness to spend money.

I know our family is far from alone in these struggles. In moderation, in-app purchases can be an easy way to have a bit of fun in a game. But in-app purchasing has become a billion-dollar business. Many iPad games are sophisticated marketing machines that use gambling tactics and other predatory techniques to market directly to children. The dopamine rush of leveling up in a game after spending money is addictive and the consequences are profound. Some parents report that their kids have become secretive and deceitful — guessing or stealing passwords, using credit cards without permissions, resetting devices to restore permissions, and finding other workarounds that will enable them to keep clicking “purchase.” Our children with ADHD, who struggle with impulse control and regulation, are far less equipped to resist this powerful temptation.

So what can parents do? What do I recommend as a psychologist, as the mother of a demand-avoidant pre-teen with ADHD, and as someone who’s learned a lot about this the hard way in the last couple of years?

My first piece of advice: Keep this Pandora’s Box closed for as long as possible. If you haven’t yet started down this path, don’t.

If you ever do decide to allow your child to make in-app purchases, have some discussions first:

1. Set clear limits – but expect boundary-pushing. Establish how much money they have available to spend and how quickly they can spend it. Even with these limits, brace for fallout, pleas, and arguments when their money runs out, and plan ahead for how you will respond to that fallout.

2. Express your wants. The day that Max came to me twice to make an in-app purchase, I told him I had two wants. “I want to allow you to make your own decisions,” I said. “And I want to help you make wise decisions and teach you how to resist the powerful desire to buy things.”

3. Teach your kid about marketing tactics such as price anchoring, charm pricing, and the scarcity effect. When they come to you about a purchase, challenge them to spot the marketing tactics being used on them.

4. Talk to your child about other dynamics that drive in-app purchasing, such as chasing the dopamine buzz, the social pressure of keeping up with friends, the desire to make progress fast in a game, and so on.

5. Talk to your child about their ADHD brain. They should understand that impulse control challenges come with the territory, which makes it especially hard to resist the temptation to buy.

6. Invite your child to problem-solve when issues come up. Be open with your child about any concerning patterns or behaviors you’ve noticed regarding in-app purchases. Ask for their input as you find a viable way forward.

7. Experiment with different approaches and solutions to limit in-app purchases. Some ideas to get you started:

8. Don’t be afraid to feel your way forward.
Just because you’ve agreed to a measure doesn’t mean that you will do things this way and forevermore. In fact, don’t expect any solutions you negotiate to hold for longer than a couple of months. Expecting to revisit this issue regularly will help you be more patient and feel less frustrated.

The other day, I asked Max for advice he thought I should give other parents who are in this situation. “Just say no, and NEVER SAY YES,” he responded. “Basically, be way stricter with them than you’ve been with us.”

“But what about families like ours where we’ve already said yes sometimes?” I said. “What can you do then?”

“Well,” Max said, getting more creative. “Tell your kids that the currency for the game has changed, and you can’t get any of that new currency. So, it’s broken. You just can’t do it.”

“So… lie?” I asked. “Yes,” Max said. “Lie.”

In moments when we may be tempted to lie to our kids, I often wish we had in-parenting purchase options — for upgrading patience, boosting problem-solving skills, or short-circuiting conflicts. Alas, the game we’re playing as parents is a no-shortcuts quest.

In App Purchases: Next Steps

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Updated on October 14, 2024

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