Caregiver Blogs

“I’ve Called My OCD Compulsions ‘Screaming Mimis’ Since I Was 7”

“Imagine that you have a voice in your brain convincing you that unless you turn the light switch on and off several times, your loved one will die. You know it’s an irrational fear but, still, you feel as though you could not tolerate taking that risk. That’s how I feel every day.”

By Stella V. Updated on July 11, 2024
Click to Add Comments

On a chilly autumn morning, I sat beneath fluorescent lighting in a room full of my peers to take the PSAT. I had done well on the previous year’s test, so my hopes were high. The first hour or so was not too torturous. I breezed through the English passages and actually finished the section with lots of time to spare. Suddenly, I began to feel anxious. Why had I finished early? Had I chosen the correct answers? By the time the math section began, my confidence had dropped dramatically.

I finished a word problem, clicked answer C, yet something didn’t feel right. I had only clicked one answer, but my brain convinced me I needed to click all the other answer options to make it an even number. Once I did that, I then re-selected only my original answer, with a different finger, careful not to disrupt the pattern. Finally, I could move on.

I continued in this way throughout the test, my anxiety growing. I noticed the sound of keyboards clicking as my peers moved effortlessly from question to question. At the top of my browser, the seconds passed quickly and I began to fear I would not finish in time.

This sensation was all-too-familiar, but I’d never felt it in such a high-stakes environment. As the test dragged on, I felt more and more hopeless about my PSAT score — and I knew just what to blame.

My Life with OCD

I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) at the age of 7, after my parents observed the little rituals and patterns I acted out constantly. My OCD began as a way of coping with my emetophobia, an extreme fear of vomiting. My brain told me that I could prevent myself from getting sick if I performed certain actions perfectly. If I got a “booboo” on one finger, I had to put bandages on all of my other fingers so they would “match.” When I would wash my hands, I had to turn the sink on and off seven times and use seven pumps of soap. If I messed up, I was determined to find a way to correct it. Until I did, I was plagued with a sense of impending doom.

[Take This Self-Test: Could Your Child Have OCD?]

The solution here may seem obvious: just don’t do the compulsion. Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that. Imagine that you have a voice in your brain convincing you that, unless you turn the light switch on and off several times, your loved one will die. You know it’s an irrational fear but, still, you feel as though you could not tolerate taking that risk.

That’s how I feel every day.

OCD Is Not What You Think It Is

Over the years, my compulsions have presented themselves in many different ways, but they all share this in common: they make “normal” tasks exponentially more challenging.

And then, of course, there’s the embarrassment of having to explain myself to others. In case you’ve forgotten, teenagers are not the most understanding audience for unconventional behaviors. If you were in Trig and saw the girl sitting next to you write and erase her name seven times on her worksheet, you’d probably be perturbed and think that she were a basket case. That’s not how I want people to regard me. Sure, I could explain to them that I did the behavior to prevent my imminent death, but how receptive do you think they’d be to that rationale? It’s an awkward position for both parties.

OCD myths and misperceptions contribute to this stigma and shame. One of the most popular myths is that OCD only presents as cleanliness, neatness, or attention to detail.

[Get This Free Download: Is It OCD or ADHD?]

“OMG, I have to organize my closet because I’m so OCD and can’t stand a messy house!” is a sentiment expressed by some people who are, in fact, just neat freaks. It may seem harmless, but this kind of misunderstanding can be incredibly invalidating to those who are suffering with OCD. While it is true that some OCD sufferers face compulsions relating to cleanliness, there is a difference between enjoying cleaning and feeling like your world will blow up if you don’t complete a specific ritual.

The reality of living with OCD is that it’s tiring and sometimes scary. Unlike these stereotypes, there have been times that compulsions could have put me in harm’s way. I have had compulsions to open the car door while driving or to touch a hot stovetop. Thankfully, I was able to resist these compulsions. This is where treatment comes in.

Managing OCD: Resisting Screaming Mimis

Back when I was 7 years old, my parents took me to see a therapist. She encouraged me to give my rituals a name. I didn’t fully understand this at the time but now I see her purpose was to have me think of my compulsions as enemies to defeat, and it’s easier to defeat something when you can see it outside of yourself. I thought of the funniest name I could think of, “Screaming Mimi,” and it just stuck.

That therapist taught my parents and I how to handle these “Screaming Mimis.” The more you give in to a ritual, the stronger it grows and the harder it is to resist. So, the most effective solution for OCD is to not give in to the urge, and the main coping mechanisms are to make it wait, to switch it up, or to do the opposite of the compulsion.

If I could tell parents of kids with OCD one thing, I would say that patience is key. Your child is not doing this to be annoying or funny, it’s something they genuinely feel that they cannot help. It’s important to remember that, while you can offer support, your child must be in charge of their journey and ultimately do the work. What you can do is offer them positive reinforcement when they make an effort to improve, compassion and care so they don’t feel alone in this, and, maybe most importantly, an open ear.

Living with OCD: Next Steps

SUPPORT ADDITUDE
Thank you for reading ADDitude. To support our mission of providing ADHD education and support, please consider subscribing. Your readership and support help make our content and outreach possible. Thank you.