“Neuroqueer Youth Need to See Us Fighting for Them”
“Celebrating, living, and thriving – as a queer parent with ADHD – is part of the fight. It’s what neurodivergent and queer youth need to witness so they know it’s possible for themselves.”
There is a lot of pride in my neuroqueer family. I call us a rainbow family because we represent so many different sexual identities and gender expressions, all knit together with love. I am proud to be part of such an amazing patchwork of people who understand that family is what you make it, and love is love.
There is also lots of neurodivergent pride in my family. And this Pride Month, I am thinking a lot about the layers of complexity that families like mine experience because we’re neurodivergent and members of the LGBTQIA2S+ community.
Even as a queer parent with ADHD myself, parenting in the age of enlightenment regarding identity can sometimes feel like an extreme sport. It’s admittedly hard to keep up with the changing ways we talk about gender, sexual orientation, neurodivergence, and other aspects of identity. Amid all this, one thing remains clear: Our ADHD and LGBT+ kids need us to fight even harder for their right to be seen, heard, and respected.
Fighting for LGBTQ+ Rights, Neurodivergent Style
The upside is that the fighting comes naturally to neurodivergent individuals. We know what it’s like to be on the fringes of society and experience stigma. We know what it’s like to mask parts of our identity to try to be accepted.
Our neurodivergent qualities also uniquely equip us to fight. Due to our strong sense of justice, it’s not a stretch to say that we’re likely to be on the front lines of equality movements. Our justice sensitivity is no doubt driven by rejection sensitive dysphoria – one of the most brutal aspects of living with ADHD. At the same time, feeling rejection to the extreme – in the form of homophobia, transphobia, and other forms of hate – can truly make life feel not worth living.
[Read: How to Be a Neuroqueer Ally]
As the mom of two gender-creative ADHD kids, I would do anything to protect them from this fate. Which is why I know that the best thing I can do is let my children see me fighting for them. At marches. At school. At the town hall. And yes, in the workplace.
As I write this, I am involved in a dispute at work, where grumbles and complaints about respecting people’s pronouns and gender identities happen near daily, despite company policies dictating that no discrimination of any kind is tolerated. What makes this situation scarier is the fact that my organization works with children, many of whom are gender non-conforming. In time, I hope my colleagues learn that using correct pronouns is lifesaving, especially for youth.
LGBTQ+ Joy Matters, Too
Fighting, however, is just one aspect of being part of the queer community. The other aspect — my favorite — is celebration. For Pride Month, we gather in our brightest clothes and most fabulous makeup. We have parades, we play music, and we dance in the streets. (ADHD creativity and spontaneity certainly help!) We are together. We see that we are not alone.
Another incredibly fun activity we do as a family is attend all-ages drag shows. The support for LGBTQ+ youth in these shows is unbelievable, like nothing you’ve ever seen. At every show, I take a moment to look around the room and see other rainbow families. I feel such pride in being part of a vibrant, creative, and bold community.
[Read: “I Didn’t Need to Understand My Teen’s Gender Journey to Support It.”]
Yes, the fight matters. Celebrating, living, and thriving – as a queer parent with ADHD – is part of the fight. It’s what neurodivergent and queer youth need to witness so they know it’s possible for themselves.
Neuroqueer Families: Next Steps
- Read: “Just Let Him Be” The Mother of a Neuroqueer Teen Shares His Story
- Watch: How to Support a Child, Teen, or Young Adult with ADHD as They Explore Gender
- Read: ADHD and Queerness — Living in the Neuroqueer Intersection
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